


Shot Through The Heart (and You’re To Blame)

by whitetiger1249



Category: Teenage Bounty Hunters
Genre: April is half gay mess half smol bean, Blair is a wonderful twin and sister, But fate and karma can be a bitch, Episode: s01e10 Something Sour Patch, F/F, F/M, Miles and Blair need to use their words, Post Episode: s01e10 Something Sour Patch, Season/Series 01 Spoilers, Sterling and Blair are chaotic dumbass yogurt twins, Sterling just wants to hold April's hand, The Wesleys have some shit to sort through, excuse my French (there’s a lot of cussing)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:33:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26186473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitetiger1249/pseuds/whitetiger1249
Summary: SPOILERS FOR TEENAGE BOUNTY HUNTERS. Post S1 EP 10 AU “Something Sour Patch”.Sterling is having a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.First, she gets into a fight with her twin sister over flaking on her when she had her date with Miles and Bowser had a bounty. Then, she goes to the lock in and finds her formerly sworn enemy now crush? girl friend? Flirting with her ex-boyfriend and she gets dumped. To top it all off, she gets kidnapped by her Aunt Dana and her abusive psycho boyfriend, who incidentally is her mother’s identical twin and  . . . is also her birth mother. What. A. Day!Reeling from the bomb her Aunt Dana dropped, things take a turn for the worse and the twin’s world will never be the same. Drop in a dash of adoptive father Bowser, puppy dog Luke and a worried April and it is one helluva bumpy ride towards finding a new normal.The thing is . . . Sterling and April don’t want things to go back to normal.
Relationships: Miles Taylor/Blair Wesley, Sterling Wesley & Anderson Wesley, Sterling Wesley & Blair Wesley, Sterling Wesley & Blair Wesley & Bowser Simmons, Sterling Wesley & Debbie Wesley, Sterling Wesley & Luke Creswell, Sterling Wesley/April Stevens
Comments: 158
Kudos: 486





	1. Shot through the Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I’m pretty obsessed with this show and with Stepril. Like a lot of people, I was surprised with how good Teenage Bounty Hunters was and the fact that although the show is about a rich, Southern, Christian white family in Atlanta, Georgia, they do a good job discussing female sexuality, race, religion and just the craziness of being teenagers. You can tell that there are women in the writer’s room and producing the show. I came into the show knowing that Stepril was going to happen but I absolutely love the relationship between Blair and Sterling, badass women, found family through the Bounty Hunting family and the satirical nature of the show. This show was an absolute riot and I am happy to contribute to the Stepril fanfiction. I’ve been dying to see more stuff and hope to do the characters justice. 
> 
> This is my first work so let me know what you think.  
> Comments & Kudos are appreciated.

*****Trigger Warning for violence and internalized homophobia*****

Sterling’s ears were ringing.

_Sterling, you are my daughter_.

**_My daughter._ **

The words echoed in her head. It was like her brain couldn’t connect the words.

The sky was blue. Pigs don’t fly. Chloe _still_ had worms. April being demanding and giving her orders, turned her on. Debbie and Anderson Wesley were her parents. Blair was her twin sister.

Blair **was** her twin sister.

These were just facts. Staring at Blair’s face, Sterling knew after this, that nothing would ever be the same.

Betrayal. Shock. Fury. And beneath it all was an achingly deep sadness that the world was the way it was. That people couldn’t just tell the truth. That April could not openly be who she was. That sometimes people outgrow each other. That Aunt Dana . . .Dana . . .her mom . . . her whatever loved someone who treated her poorly. And most of all, that the fact that everything she knew and depended on was a lie.

She, Sterling Pearl Wesley, was not Debbie and Anderson Wesley’s daughter. She was in fact, Dana Culpepper’s biological daughter. That she was not Blair’s twin sister but in fact her cousin. Though technically, identical twins that had kids were genetically the same as half siblings. Sterling shoved that thought way down into the jewelry box in her mind where she kept her deeper thoughts and secrets buried.

This changed nothing. This changed **everything.** She couldn’t believe that her parents could lie to her face for the past 16 years and not tell her that she wasn’t theirs. That she wasn’t Blair’s twin. A tidal wave of emotions threatened to overwhelm her so she shut everything down. Right now, she was too overwhelmed to think, let enough function. So she listened to her sort of crush? Sort of girlfriend well . . . now ex-something and did her best to compartmentalize.

Someone was talking to her. Multiple someones. A hand grabbed her arm gently and Sterling realized that she had been staring at Blair in shocked silence. Blair’s face was a mirror of hers. Full of fear, anguish, shock and worry. Though the worry was for her.

She opened her mouth to give reassurances that she was fine. That Blair **was** her sister and nothing could change that. Not even stupid, crazy cigarrette smoking, green fingernailed Aunts turned biological mothers could change that but no words came out. Her hands were trembling with anxiety and the leftover adrenaline from escaping her aunt and her psychotic boyfriend. In fact, her whole body was trembling. Blair touched a hand to her face and she realized that she had started silently crying. She wanted to go home and fall apart into a depressed pile of sadness while cuddling Blair.

All the previous terror, pain and helplessness from the night crashed into her and she made a move to hug Blair when a glint of metal caught her eye. From her peripherals, she could see Levi behind the Culpepper twins clutching his wounded leg in one hand and raising the gun in the other. In a split second, it was like time froze.

Her mom and Dana were stepping towards them with her mom’s shotgun lowered to the ground. Her dad was hovering on her left with a hand on the back of his head and a worried and anxious frown on his face. Bower was on Blair’s right with a comforting hand on Blair’s shoulder. Blair herself was wiping tears from her face and was gripping her right hand in a tight grip.

It wasn’t even a choice.

Time resumed and in a flash, Sterling pulled Blair behind her and shielded Blair’s body with her own.

A shot rang out and Sterling felt a crack and a burning, all consuming pain in her chest. It felt like that time Blair accidentally swung her lacrosse stick and had hit her in the boob but a million times worse.

Distantly, she heard panicked screams coming from above and she realized that she was on the ground. The pain in her chest was increasing in intensity and she had trouble breathing putting air in her lungs. She felt like she was drowning . . . wait that was blood. She was drowning in her own blood.

A face swam into her view and she realized it was Blair’s. She looked so sad and terrified. Sterling tried to raise her hand to touch Blair’s face but it felt like it weighed a ton. Someone was telling her to stay awake but she was sooooo sleepy. She kind of wanted to be in her bed with her salmon colored sheets and pillows. The ground was so hard and uncomfortable. She wondered if April was having a good time at the lock in. She wished she was holding April’s hand by their sleeping bags at the lock in right now instead of bleeding out on the ground in the middle of nowhere.

She wondered if April would miss her if she was gone. Maybe it would make her life easier if she was gone. She wouldn’t have to be conflicted about coming out. Maybe their parents would pay more attention to Blair if she was gone. She hoped that Blair, Bowser, her parents and Luke wouldn’t miss her too much if she died. 

Her vision became spotted and the yelling became more frantic. The sounds of sirens were soooo loud and the flashing lights didn’t help. When the darkness came, Sterling gladly greeted it.

* * * 

April’s phone read 2:48 AM. She had been trying to fall asleep for an hour but nothing had worked. Not naming all the Republican presidents. Not counting down from a 100. Not even, listening to _Sleeping at Last_. She loved the band’s Enneagram album. It had been a few hours since she had broken Sterling’s heart and her own on that bench outside the academy. It somehow seemed fitting that when they started their relationship she had closed the door in order to keep Sterling to herself. And when she had to let her go, she opened the locked doors.

She couldn’t get the look of betrayal, hurt and devastation on Sterling’s face from her mind. When her dad came back this afternoon, terror and fury coursed through her mind at the sight of her dad coming back all smiley like he hadn’t just brutally beaten a prostitute and cheated on her mother. Like he hadn’t just spent the last few weeks in jail. But she quickly compartmentalized her feelings and played along with him. When her dad mentioned Blair and Sterling, her heart jumped in her throat and fear clawed at her. Had he heard something? Did he know what she was? Did he know that she was with Sterling?

If her father who she believed was their fearless and righteous family leader, her beloved nerdy daddy, was secretly a liar who was capable of violence and brutality. She didn’t want to know what he would do to her if he found out she was a lesbian, a queer, a “disgusting” homosexual. More importantly, she didn’t know what he would do to Sterling or what lengths he would do to both of them. Everything from conversion therapy to shooting Sterling flashed through her mind. She couldn’t let anything happen to Sterling so she bottled up her hope, her feelings and the freedom she felt with Sterling the past few days into a deep part of her heart. Where she would look at it and be glad that Sterling was her first kiss and was actually an Adele Meisner that came back for her. That **thee** Sterling Pearl Wesley had wanted her and loved her for who she was and wasn’t scared of her intensity and passion. It was more than she had hoped for herself, more than she ever daydreamed and fantasized.

She had hoped that maybe breaking it off would be easier if she flirted with Luke and that it would make Sterling hate her and forget about her. That Sterling would think that April was all those things that people thought she didn’t hear the student body whisper about her even as her heart was cracking in her chest at the thought.

_Faker. Liar. Mean Girl. Uptight Bitch. Anal Retentive Head Bitch in Charge. Self Absorbed Poser._

But Sterling just looked at her with tears in her baby blues and looked as if April had just kicked Chloe in front of her. She almost wanted to start crying along with Sterling but she forced herself to pay attention to Luke.

When their song started playing and the first few lines of Kacey Musgraves’s “Slowburn” came on, she was fighting the urge to rush over to Sterling and to hold her in her arms. When the volume rose, April looked over to Sterling with an apology in her eyes and her resolve almost crumbled looking at the crushed look on Sterling’s face. She watched as Sterling rushed out of the room and Luke, that sweet but clueless bear of a guy didn’t even notice.

She gave some excuse about needing the bathroom and rushed after Sterling after grabbing the keys she received from Ellen at the beginning of the lockdown. Seeing Sterling with her head down crying with her knees to her chest was like a slap in the face. A week earlier, April might have felt some satisfaction seeing little miss perfect being just as miserable as she was but now her heart just hurts.

She pleaded and tried to explain to Sterling that she wasn’t ready to be out. With her father being back, her mother being a bigot and the judgmental student body. She wasn’t ready to deal with her school life going to hell as much as her home life had become. Sterling had stared back with confusion, pain and hopelessness. A stab of resentment and envy went through April’s body. Sterling was so brave but naive. She didn’t know what it was like to hide a part of you and live in the fear that you would be casted out, shamed, bullied, converted or even killed for who she loved, who she was. Nobody would ever think that the perfect all American, sweet as apple pie Christian Sterling Wesley, not only liked boys but girls. April had known and hidden that she was a lesbian **for years**. Sterling was still basking in the awe of discovering new feelings and actually finding someone to share and initiate feelings with. 

When she had heard Sterling’s “maybe”, her heart held on to that ember of hope but her “I don’t know” snuffed it right out. She felt hollow and empty and pitiful so she said goodbye and left, leaving a part of her heart behind with Sterling.

That was hours ago and ever since she left Sterling, a cold dread seeped into her bones. April had known Sterling since Kindergarten and she may not have been Sterling’s twin like Blair was or had that freaky twin telepathy that the two shared but April was always hyper aware of Sterling’s presence and moods whenever she was around. It may be attributed to them being best friends from kindergarten to 5th grade or her misdirected anger (read: massive repressed crush) but April always had a sense for Sterling’s wellbeing. In 5th grade when April was trying to hate Sterling for giving her away, she had noticed when Sterling sprained her ankle while playing soccer. The stupid girl had kept on playing because she didn’t wouldn’t ruin the game for everyone else. It wasn’t until Blair physically interrupted the game did Sterling go to the nurse. Another time, she just had a feeling that Sterling wouldn’t be coming to school one day in Freshman year and sure enough, Sterling and Blair had caught the flu.

Funny enough, Sterling had always been similarly connected to April. Sterling was really the only person who really **saw** April even when she was putting on a show or when she was down in the dumps, Sterling could tell. When she was in 7th grade, Sterling, who was too nice for her own good, had slipped her some cough drops when she was feeling sick even though she had done a stellar job of fooling everyone else. In 8th grade, she received a get well soon card from Sterling even though only her family, Ezequiel and Hannah B. knew she was getting her tonsils out over the weekend. Currently, her Sterling radar had been on the fritz ever since Sterling left.

She checked her phone and saw that her 5 texts had been left unread. She wanted to give Sterling some space but needed to know that she was ok. 

**11:05 pm**

**To: Sterl** **❤️**

Text me when you get home . . . please. I need to know that you’re safe.

**11:30 pm**

**To: Sterl** **❤️**

Sterling? Did you make it back?

**12:00 am**

**To: Sterl** **❤️**

I know we left things in a bad place but I don’t want to go back to being “sworn enemies”. I still care about you and I still want to be your friend. I’m here if you need anything.

**01:45 am**

**To: Sterl** **❤️**

Sterl please answer. I’m starting to get really worried.

**02:30 am**

**To: Sterl** **❤️**

I’m sorry. Please don’t shut me out.

She quickly and quietly stepped out of the room ignoring the snores and mumbles of her fellow sleeping students. She quickly then dialed Blair who was labeled as “Sterl’s Devil Twin😈” on her phone. She didn’t care if Blair got pissed at being woken up. She needed to know that Sterling was ok. As the phone continued to ring, April’s heart started to beat faster and faster. Something was wrong. Really really wrong.

The call went to voicemail and the voicemail made her heart constrict when she heard Sterling’s voice and laugh.

The voice mail said in Blair’s voice, “Hey, you have reached Blair’s voicemail. You should just hang up and text me because you’re an idiot to think I would pick up. BYE! . . .”

The message wasn’t over as Sterling voice could be heard saying, “Blairrrr. That’s pretty rude . . .don’t do it! STAHPPPP”. Giggles filled the message as it seemed like Sterling was being tickled. She could imagine Blair and Sterling jumping around on a bed and just messing around. The image put a smile on her face as she thought back to herself with Sterling making out in her car. The loud beep shook her out of her reverie and she ended the call.

She called 2 more times and on the 4th time, the call went through and a gravely and tear filled voice filled her ear.

“WHO IS THIS? WHAT DO YOU WANT!!”

“It’s April. Don’t hang up. Please.”

A sniffle went through the call and Blair roughly said, “Now’s **really** not a good time to play mind games.”

April winced at the accusation but pleaded, “I know it’s late but I need to know that Sterling’s ok. I don’t like how we left things and she’s not answering my texts. I just want to make sure she got home”.

At the mention of Sterling’s name, a shaky breathing and a sob filled her ear. Alarm raced through her body and she just knew. Knew that whatever happened to Sterling was life or death. Please be ok. Please be ok.

It took a moment but Blair answered, “She’s in surgery-”

“SURGERY??!!?? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?” April shrieked. Horror and panic making her body feel unsteady. She was glad that she was a few hallways from the sleeping student body.

“It’s a long story. She got shot and . . . and . . .” more sobs erupted from the other line.

Pulling herself together and packing everything she learned away, April righted herself and grabbed her car keys from her pocket. She placed the school keys with a note citing a family emergency for her absence next to Ellen’s prone sleeping body after she unlocked the front door, grabbed her stuff and raced out the door.

Crying could still be heard on the line but April used her most commanding, I-am-a-Stevens voice and asked, “Which hospital?”

Blair wasn’t responding so April snapped at her about the hospital again.

Her voice was shaky and panicked but Blair stated, “Emory University Hospital Midtown”.

“Ok, I’m on my way”


	2. And You're To Blame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kudos and comments. I'm so happy that Teenage Bounty Hunters finally has a tag! While writing this, I've been thinking that it's been interesting to see the relationship dynamic that the sisters have with one another and how much mystery there is in Debbie's past. I had completely pegged Debbie as a mom that had lived a privileged life and now wanted her daughters to live as an upstanding and overachieving daughter like how she was. It was such a lovely surprise to see her have the same twin telepathy that Blair and Sterling have with her own identical twin. Enjoy the show and I'll see you next time!

Blair could not believe the clusterfuck that her life had become in the past 24 hours. When Sterling and her had that nasty fight where she basically called Blair a shit stirrer, she had felt attacked, called out and was deeply hurt that her twin felt that she was like that.

To be fair to Sterling, she had also called her a basic bitch and that she was boring with a capital B. In all honesty, she knew she was a wee bit of a drama queen but it was just part of Blair, “the rebellious slutty twin” routine that Blair touted at school. And looking back, Blair was a total bitch to Sterling about flaking on her the night before. Things had been changing for both of them every since Sterling had sex with Luke and they became part time bounty hunters. It had been a while since Blair and Sterling had been on the same page and it scared her that they seemed to be growing apart. Sterling had kept April a secret from her and they shared **everything**. According to Sterling, they sometimes shared too much. They shared clothes, makeup and even shared everything that happened when they were apart. Some people (cough, cough, April) would say that it was unhealthy how codependent they were but it was Sterling. She would tell them (April) to suck her dick. Sterling was her other half. Her sister in body, mind and soul. She would fight anyone who said otherwise including their bat shit insane aunt. 

Deep down, she was terrified to lose Sterling and be left behind, whether it was to April, to Sterling’s ambitions or even to death. When she saw the message in the rest stop, the ILYSMS, she knew it wasn’t a game anymore. Sterling’s life was on the line and why the fuck did she swear on Sterling’s grave. It felt like the universe was taunting her now. She didn’t know who she was without Sterling. Even when Sterling was dating Luke, she never felt like her place as the most important person in Sterling’s life was jeopardized. That was what was so great about Luke. He was like a golden retriever. Cheerful, loyal and adorable to look at but he wouldn’t dare to ever become between Sterling and Blair. Even if it made her selfish and horrible, Blair knew that if it came down to Blair or any future partner that Sterling would have, if Blair didn’t like them or they didn’t get along, Sterling would always choose Blair. That was before April. Fucking April Stevens. 

That’s why when Sterling shielded Blair with her body, a small part of her wasn’t surprised. A huge part of her was like **why would you do that??!!??** She knew why and she knew that she would do the same but after all the recent shit, they had been through, Blair never thought she would lose her sister to a gunshot. Though statistically with all the guns around and crazies, it was a possibility.

Blair didn’t expect to be in a shootout after she gave her heart and soul to Miles in a full dramatic movie worthy love confession in front of his family. It was humiliating to find that the first guy you truly felt like you were falling in love with was ashamed to tell his family about you. Fuck Miles. Fuck it not being a good time. Fuck not fitting the perfect family image. He could go to hell. She expected to be wallowing in a pile of blankets, junk food and having a temporary truce so she could cuddle with Sterling. Not in the middle of nowhere, seeing Bowser duel it out with psychotic Levi and being constantly told to stay under a shelf of a porcelain sink. It was half parts exhilarating and half parts unending terror.

Her relief of seeing Sterling alive but bound with a gag and bindings was short-lived after Aunt Dana dropped the bomb. She knew it was coming and had wanted to cover Sterling’s ears from a truth that would irrevocably change their family. But when the bomb went off, it left a shell shocked Sterling and Blair felt like the rug was pulled under her. She felt a flame of hate flicker for her Aunt Dana for being so, so, so irresponsible and throwing a relationship grenade in their family. 

Blair didn’t see the gun go off but she felt it. She tried to wipe Sterling’s tears away and was going to pull her into a hug when there was the bang of a gun. She was startled when Sterling’s taller frame had covered her body with her own but had felt Sterling’s body collapse into hers when the bullet struck. 

Shouts of horror erupted and Sterling's eyes were wide with panic, fear and pain. Her sky blue eyes darkened and were hazy with confusion and agony. A patch of dark crimson red started blooming on the chest area of her navy blue jacket. She was still in her pajamas for fuck sakes.

A howl erupted from their mother and their aunt. A sound that Blair doesn’t think she’ll ever forget. Like someone had tore out both of their hearts and stomped on it repeatedly in front of them. It reminded Blair of this one nature documentary of a mama bear roaring when her cub was shot by a hunter. It was a howl mixed with grief and soul shredding pain. Her aunt turned around to Levi and with a savage look knocked him out with his own gun. She looked ready to tear Levi from limb to limb but a cry of pain from Sterling halted her progress. Their father had taken off his sweater and was pressing it on the wound. He was murmuring comforting words and trying to calm Sterling down but her breathing was becoming ragged and bloodied. Their mother was smoothing down Sterling’s hair and holding her hand, commanding Sterling to stay awake.

Blair had felt her sister’s blood leak out of her and coat her hands while she had lowered her to the ground. She was crouched at Sterling’s head frozen in shock at the sight of her sister dying on the ground but a firm grip on the back of her shoulders pulled her back into reality.

Bowser's calm and steady presence grounded her and he calmly but firmly stated, “Blair, you’re the only one that can calm Sterling down so she doesn’t hurt herself further. Tell your parents to keep her warm to prevent shock and put pressure on the wound. The police and ambulance are a minute away. I’m going to lead them here”. He took off at a sprint towards the car and drove to the broken gate.

Blair got a hold of herself and crouched down to look at her sister’s face. Sterling’s face was pale and ashen and if it was any other time, Blair would have told Sterling that she looked like a vampire from Twilight. Her eyes were darting around but seemed to focus and gain clarity when they locked onto Blair’s chocolatey brown.

Blair tried the twin telepathy bond but it was like the time Sterling was drunk. The connection was fuzzy and Sterling wasn’t coherent.

_Sterling! Hold on. The ambulance is coming._

_I want my bed . . . April . . .miss me? . . .Blair, sorry, sorry_

_STERLING! STAY AWAKE! We still have plenty to do. We have to get tattoos, go to college, go bar hopping and go to each other’s weddings. We are kick ass women and we aren’t going to let anything stop us._

_Why . . .crying . .cold . . .scared . . . don’t . . . wanna. . . die. . . Love . . . you . ._

_STERLING! STERLING!_

The telepathy broke as Sterling’s eyes fluttered shut and her body slumped to the ground. Her chest was barely rising and though she was unconscious, she was making these awful rasping and choking sounds.

Blair’s whole body was shaking with fear and anguish. She felt like she would unravel if her sister stopped breathing. A hand cupped her face and she looked up at her mother. Her mother’s face was pale and she could see that same fragile look mirrored in her mother’s eyes. But her eyes also had a steely glint. As if she would take on God and all the saints to keep Sterling on the side of the living. She started barking commands.

“Anderson, keep applying pressure. Dana if you care at all about Sterling, you are going to make sure that you tell the cops everything. We have a friend on the force that will allow you to come to the hospital but we need to make sure everything is squared away with the police. We will be having a conversation later. Bowser and your father will meet us at the nearest hospital, Emory University Hospital Midtown. Blair, you’re coming with me on the ambulance. Sterling needs you”.

There was an unspoken _I need you._

After that, it was a blur of flashing lights and men and women in uniforms. There was some awkwardness when the paramedics asked who the mother was but their mother quickly set them straight and started rattling off Sterling’s medical information.

Before she spoke with the police and was handcuffed away, Dana gave a quick kiss to Sterling on the head. She had the audacity to say Sterling’s name and act as if she cared as if it wasn’t her fault that were in this situation. They wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for her. But if Blair never went on this whole investigation on their mother, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Maybe this was all her fault. She should have been at the lockdown or maybe she should have never had let Miles or April come between Sterling and her. Sterling was the most important person in her life.

After giving their statements to the police at the hospital, everyone but Levi were in the waiting room outside the operating room. Levi had been treated for his gunshot wound in the ER and then carted off to the nearest county jail. Mom and dad made a phone call apologizing to the police man and woman that they ditched at the house and now her mom and dad were huddled on the plastic seats praying. They had tried their best to comfort her but Blair was too wired to do anything. So now she was pacing back and forth in front of her parents, Bowser and Yolanda. At some point, Yolanda had showed up and had started angrily whispering into her phone at someone. If it was any other time, Blair would have fist pumped at seeing Bowser and Yolanda together. Dana was handcuffed and a few chairs away with two police officers, muttering and praying.

Her soul almost seemed to wither and die when Sterling’s heart had stopped on the ambulance. Words like “hypovolemic shock”, “cardiac arrest”, “hemothorax” and “pneumothorax” were thrown around. It was like Grey’s Anatomy but 10x scarier since it was her own damn sister. The sound of her sister's ribs crunching was surely going to fill her nightmares. She only started breathing again when they were able to get Sterling’s heart beating again.

On the less shitty side, it turns out Blair and Sterling may not be fraternal twin sisters but they had the same rare blood type. Sterling needed a blood transfusion but the hospital was out of O-, luckily Blair had the same blood type. 2 pints and some orange juice and cookies later, Blair was back in the waiting room. Sterling had been in surgery for a few hours but time seemed to drag on for forever. It felt like it had been lifetimes ago since they came home to confront their parents about the wanted poster.

After breaking down over the phone from April’s incessant calls, all Blair could do was pray that God didn’t take Sterling away from her.

* * *

Debbie Wesley, formerly Culpepper, wondered if this was all just a horrible dream. It was like every fear, worry and anxiety balled up from the last 16 years culminated to create this hellish situation. She had worked so hard to fit in with the Buckhead elite and had hidden all traces of her past. She had left her sorry excuse for a hometown and never looked back. She didn’t look back at the twin sister or the crappy parents she left behind either. When they found out they were going to be parents, Debbie had vowed to give her future child the best life that her and her husband could provide. And Sterling . . . her darling girl, her sweet pea. Sterling was an unexpected but welcome blessing to their home. When Dana had shown up on their doorstep 16 years ago, pregnant and lost, Debbie couldn’t turn her back on her reckless, destructive and bipolar twin. They had parted on bad terms when she left but Dana was all she had of her immediate family. 

She didn’t lie. Her parents were dead though not from a plane crash. Those two good for nothing had died doing what they did best. Drinking and ruining other people’s lives. Their parents had died in a fiery car crash in a drunk driving accident that claimed the lives of some church goers from their local cult or as some people would call The Tabernacle Church of Christ the Redeemer: The Living God and His Army. Jesus, what a mouth full. Some part of her thought she could have kept her past hidden but her husband was right, the truth always comes out. She should have listened to him and have told the girls sooner when they were old enough to understand. Should have told Dana to get the hell out of her life the first time she asked for money. Should’ve, would’ve, could’ve. It was all her fault.

Now she was staring blankly at the white linoleum floors in a waiting room waiting to hear if her baby was going to live. Her gaze lifted to Dana who was a few chairs over still praying. She wouldn’t lie. She wasn’t sure who she wanted to shoot more, her idiotic twin for having the audacity to kidnap Sterling or the shit stain of a person called Levi. Turns out the motherfucker was trying to shoot Bowser for shooting him in the leg but his aim was off. She made a mental note, to ask Blair and Sterling why their boss at the yogurt shop was who Blair went to to find Sterling.

She thought about the shot that Levi took. A chill went down her spine. If it wasn’t for Sterling’s quick thinking the bullet would have most likely have struck Blair in the heart. Killing her instantly. She prayed to God that the girls wouldn’t have to pay for her mistakes nor her past.

A door slammed open and everyone jolted. Debbie lifted her head. A small figure rushed into the waiting room like a bat out of hell and locked eyes with Blair. Dear Lord, was that April Stevens in a rose pink jacket and what looked like a white pajama set with pink flamingos? Her hair was disheveled and dark circles ringed her eyes. Did she come from the lock in? Why is she here? Isn’t April Stevens, Blair and Sterling’s sworn enemy? Her thoughts flash backed to Sterling. Earlier that night, Sterling was agonizing over what set of pajamas to wear but settled on a midnight blue set. She wondered what had gotten Sterling so worked up. She wasn’t with Luke. Another mystery for later. God, she would give anything if her girls were at home safe and sound in their bed.

Blair and April were talking in hushed but impatient tones. But the sound of a door opened and everyone's head whipped out to see a tired surgeon enter the operating room. It was the moment of truth


	3. You Give Love a Bad Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm an introspective person so my characters have a lot of inner dialogue. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Things are slightly moving along. Thank you for everyone who commented and kudoed. I am blown away by the response and so happy every time I see a comment or kudos. I hope you're as much of a sucker for this show as I am. Enjoy and see you later.

April was pretty sure she broke at least a dozen traffic laws and a few speeding ones getting to Emory Uni Hospital. She tapped her foot impatiently at the adults crossing the street. She was sure God and the Buckhead Police department would forgive her. At least she was a better driver than Sterling and Blair. She lov-likes Sterling a lot but that girl and her twin were horrendous drivers. It was a miracle that they hadn’t been in a car accident yet. Thinking about accidents made her focus back on the current situation at hand. As soon as the last pedestrian hopped on the sidewalk, April floored it.

Startled curses followed her cherry red Tesla which she dubbed Athena as it peeled away from the pavement. She couldn’t believe that Sterling got shot. Was it a hunting accident? Late at night? Probably not. Was there a home invasion? It wasn’t like Blair to be that upset if Sterling was shot non fatally. She had sounded on the brink of hysteria which was so unlike the usually cool and confident Blair. Her imagination went to all sorts of dark places as her stomach churned. She was **supposed** to be at home **.** Sterling was supposed to be a lot of things. Straight. Her sworn enemy. Girlfriend to Luke. But in the past few weeks Sterling had surprised everyone, most of all, her.

When she had swiped the condom wrapper, shock, jealousy and anger had flashed through her. Shock that model student and local goody two shoes, Sterling Wesley had sex with Luke. As much as April hated to think about it, most people (her included) expected Sterling and Luke to be high school sweethearts and to marry after college. Sterling would have probably gone to UGA, joined a sorority, get married and have kids by 25. She was jealous of Luke. That he had Sterling and was able to openly kiss her, care for her and claim her as his own. That he was her first. Then anger at herself for her crush and the massive feelings for Sterling that she tried to repress. She was mad at Sterling for giving her away, for Sterling’s stupid honey blond hair, her stupid blue bell eyes and her thin kissable lips. The smirk she had when she met her eyes across the cafeteria when condom rumours were flying had set her blood boiling and had set an uncomfortable heat flash through her core. Only Sterling Wesley could get her so heated. 

Things had spiraled from there and April regretted how she had outed Sterling and Luke while alienating them from Fellowship and causing them to be pariahs. One of the things that equal parts frustrated and endeared Sterling to her was her genuine compassion and mercy to others even to her enemies. One day, it could get her hurt. Maybe it already did. Why else would she be rushing to the hospital at 4 in the morning? 

She was ashamed to say that she had taken advantage of Sterling’s mercy. Sterling could have let April fall into the hole she dug herself into when she blackmailed her for Fellowship Leader. Could have thrown her father’s incarceration in her face. It would have made sure that no one would have ever thought she was a lesbian but it would have made her more of a pariah than she already was because of her father. This time it would not have been because of her father’s actions but because her cruel plan had backfired on her. But sweet, complicated Sterling took the fall instead. She had stared in shock when Sterling confessed and had regretted blackmailing her when she saw Sterling’s eyes shine with tears as she left the room.

Now April didn’t know what was worse. Having an unrequited, intense crush on her sworn enemy or knowing the taste and feeling of Sterling but not being able to be with her because of her dad and circumstance. God, Sterling was like nicotine (not that April smoked or vaped. Both were horrible for a person’s health) because April was addicted. What was worse, was the possibility of losing Sterling permanently. There would be no somedays or even, the possibility of friendship if Sterling was gone. Even the thought of Sterling being gone made April’s world a bit darker and duller. It wasn’t much of a world without Sterling in it.

April’s car screeched to a stop in the hospital parking lot and she rushed out of the car with her keys and purse. Blair had said they were in the waiting room outside the operating room in the ICU on the ground floor. April didn’t care what she looked like or that she was still in her PJs. She ran past the automatic doors to a tired looking receptionist who straightened at the sight of her.

“I’m here for Sterling Wesley. She was taken in for a gunshot wound.”

“Relationship to the patient?”

April paused for a split second and her heart twisted. She wanted to proudly proclaim that she was Sterling’s girlfriend but she couldn’t. Even though their relationship had only started to bloom, they had known each other for forever. In another life or maybe in another situation, she would have been able to be out proudly and/or damn the consequences of proclaiming that she was a lesbian and Sterling Wesley's girlfriend. But this wasn’t a movie or some teen tv show. This was real life and she couldn’t be there for Sterling if she was locked away or sent away to God knows where.

“I’m her cousin, June Wesley.”

She tried her best to seem sincere and it wasn’t hard to fake concern and worry for her “dear cousin”. Lord, what a weird thought.

“Wesley, Sterling. Yes. Gunshot wound to the chest. She’s in operating room 3C. Go straight through these doors and take the first right. The waiting room is the 3rd door down, Room 104”.

With a hurried thanks, April sprinted down the corridors. Gunshot wound to the chest? What the hell happened? Did she get mugged? Was she going to die? Was she already dead? April’s heart seemed to stop at the thought. **NO.** Sterling was too strong and resilient to be taken down by a measly piece of metal. If her being able to hold a burp all through Easter worship in the 3rd grade was a testament to her strength and will power then Sterling would be fine. If she died on them, April would drag her ass out of heaven and scold Sterling for dying on them. Then preferably, smother her in kisses. Nothing mattered except finding out if Sterling was ok then, seeing her with her own eyes. Nothing was going to stop her. Not Blair, not her dad, not even keeping her facade intact. 

She bursted through the waiting room doors and ignored everything but Blair. Locking eyes with Blair, she marched over and demanded, “What happened? How is she?”

“It’s a long story. She’s still in surgery,” Blair rasped.

“It can’t be that long. What the hell happened? Did you accidentally shoot her or something?” April snapped.

As soon as the words left her mouth, April wished she could have taken it back. That was **way** out of line. She had lashed out because she was terrified for Sterling and the only information she had was that Blair and her got into a fight and had skipped school for some reason. Guilt swirled at the fact that she may have also been partly to blame. She had intentionally hurt Sterling by flirting with Luke while they were sort of dating. She had broken Sterling’s heart before she left. At those words, Blair’s dull eyes darkened and grief, fear and rage swirled. April glanced at Blair and noticed that her dark clothes were stained a rust color which April realized was blood. Sterling’s blood. It was like a punch in the gut.

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about! The **only** reason you’re here is because Sterling cares about you for some reason. Even though you have made her life miserable. I don’t know what she sees in you. You’ve been a heinous bitch to her this whole semester. All you need to know is that she got kidnapped after the lock in by an unstable relative. And said relative’s lunatic boyfriend shot at us and Sterling protected me. When Sterling wakes up, it’s up to her how much she tells you,” Blair seethed.

Blair looked ready to knock April out and April couldn’t blame her. It must have been hard to believe that April even liked Sterling with how shitty she treated her. Also Blair must not know that April had ended things with Sterling and had broken both of their hearts. Blair’s gaze caught something behind her head and her eyes turned back to April. Her chocolate brown eyes were lost and grief stricken. It was like without Sterling by her side, Blair was set adrift and unmoored without her tether, her other half. Her gaze went to Blair’s hands. They were clean but an angry red as if Blair tried to scrub her hands until the skin came off. There was a lot to unpack in her statement but she realized that she wasn’t helping the situation. She also noticed that Blair said when and not if. April’s stance and face softened and she said, “I’m sorry. I’m just worried”.

Blair shuffled and murmured, “Yeah. We all are”.

April was about to offer some comfort when the operating room door opened and a middle aged surgeon came out. She had light auburn hair and emerald green eyes that looked exhausted but firm. 

She called out, “Parents of Sterling Wesley”.

“Here,” both Mr. and Mrs. Wesley answered as they shot to their feet. April then took notice of a handcuffed blonde woman who looked like an exact copy of Mrs.Wesley but almost like a lower budget version. She had twitched at the sound of Sterling’s name. Another clue to what happened. She filed it away for later.

“Hi, I am Dr. Williams and I am the lead surgeon that led the operation on your daughter”. She glanced around the room taking in the other parties and raised an eyebrow in question.

“They are with us.” Mr. Wesley spoke impatiently.

“I am glad to say that the operation was a success and Sterling should be on her way to a full recovery barring no complications. We will be keeping her in the ICU for a few days as she is in a medically induced coma to allow her body to heal. She could wake up anywhere from a day to a few days. We also have her on antibiotics, saline and a blood bag.”

Sigh of relief were heard all around and April was ready to collapse in relief that she would be ok. The surgeon’s next words made her blood run cold.

“Sterling was lucky that the bullet didn’t strike an inch to the left or it would have struck her heart. She was also fortunate that help came as quickly as it did. A moment too soon and she would have bled out. The bullet did end up piercing through her left rib and burrowing into her chest cavity and then lungs. Her left lung collapsed but we were able to successfully extract the bullet, control the bleeding and repair the lung. Sterling is going to be in a lot of pain when she does wake up due to not only the injuries from the bullet wound but a cracked sternum and a few broken ribs from CPR. She’ll need to stay for at least a week before she can be released home for additional bed rest and later physical therapy.”

Oh Lord. April hadn’t even seen Sterling yet but April was horrified at how much damage one bullet could have done. Jesus, a collapsed lung. If the bullet had torn through her chest wall, she would have been choking on her own blood. It was a small mercy that April wasn’t there to personally witness Sterling dying.

She looked over to Blair who had an unreadable look on her face before Blair asked, “How many times did she die?”

Silence fell across the room but Blair stared straight at Dr. Williams unwavering. Confusion swirled in the air. Why would Blair ask that? Did she sense something? Her eyes caught what seemed like Mrs. Wesley and her doppleganger having a silent conversation. Was that the relative? Does Mrs.Wesley have an identical twin?

The surgeon shifted nervously but answered, “She coded 3 times total including the time in the ambulance. But she’s a fighter and she should be able to bounce back to normal after a month or so.”

April just sat down on a plastic chair and put her head in her hands and wept with relief and joy that Sterling would be ok. She would get the chance to see Sterling again and she would make it count.


	4. Maybe We’re Both About to Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you haven’t noticed, this work is titled after Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name” which doesn’t only apply to Sterling and April but the messy relationships of all the characters in the show. The last few chapters are labeled after song lyrics from the titled song. If you’re interested, this chapter and maybe the next few are titled after Wrabel’s song “Sideways”. 
> 
> I don’t have an update schedule but I have been updating as much as I can. This story has been brewing in my head since I finished the finale and I admit that I am flying by the seat of my pants. (Kudos to anyone who knows the Hamilton song referring to that expression). It feels like this story is writing itself. I have a general outline of the story but some ideas may change or the story may take another direction I wasn’t originally thinking of. I will warn you though that things may get worse before things can get better. Loads of angst but I do promise that there is a happy ending and some fluff & comfort. Thanks for reading, commenting and dropping kudos. I’ll see you guys soon.

*****Trigger warning: implied/explicit mentions of mental illness and implied/explicit suicidal ideation (suicidal thoughts) *****

  
  


Blair couldn’t tell you how she knew about Sterling’s heart stopping during the surgery. Before tonight, she would have said it was a twin thing but it didn’t matter who gave birth to Sterling. Yes, it complicated things but Sterling was **her** twin. **Her** sister and familial soulmate. She knew that if Sterling ever died, it wouldn’t matter the distance or time, she would know. While she was waiting in the waiting room, Blair had felt the invisible string that bound her and Sterling had started to fray. Panic and terror had clawed up her throat and she felt like vomiting. She had plopped into the closest chair to the operating room and closed her eyes.

She must have zoned out or was in some dream like state because she was standing in a familiar field of wheat next to a crystalline lake. The sun was high overhead and there was Sterling. She had reached out for that telepathic bond and **tugged.** She pulled and pulled until she felt Sterling’s familiar presence. If Blair was to describe what her sister’s presence was like she would describe it as warm summer days, the mischief and thrill of shared secrets and the joy people felt in loving others and being loved in return. She was Blair’s own ball of sunshine when Blair was drowning in sadness and hopelessness.

Dream Sterling was in the middle of the road between the glittering lake and the sea of wheat with her back turned from Blair. She was in a windswept white summer dress and her honey gold hair was unbound. Looking down, she found herself wearing a pair of her favorite ripped black jeans and a black blouse with a v-neckline that really showed off her boobs. Sterling’s familiar scent drifted towards her. Hickory, honeysuckle and blueberries. She walked towards Sterling, grabbed her shoulders and spun her around. She almost sobbed with relief at the sight of what looked like a whole and healthy Sterling. She thanked God for whatever magic he worked to make this possible.

But . . . maybe she spoke too soon. Something was **wrong.** Sterling had a confused and distracted look on her face. As if she was lost. She had that same look of confusion when she had been trying to figure out who had called her name in the crowded halls of school.

“Blair, what are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here? What are **you** doing here?”

“What do you mean, what am I doing here? This is **my** brain. You’re in my dream or is it consciousness?”

“Holy shit! Is this a twin thing . . .wait, that doesn’t exactly work anymore. Does it?” Blair said sadly.

At that, Sterling clutched her head and her eyes cleared. It was as if she remembered that she had been shot.

“Something happened . . . my chest felt like it was on fire and I was drowning. So I came here”.

Realization struck Blair like the hammer that Gary threw at her when he was running away naked. They were at Gramma’s and Big Daddy’s lakehouse. It was Sterling’s favorite place in the whole wide world. It was where she felt the most comfortable and at peace. They had spent holidays and summers picking berries, fishing, swimming and naming constellations while stargazing. It was where their mom and dad had taught Sterling how to shoot her first gun. Regardless of Gramma’s and Big Daddy’s political views and narrow mindedness, Sterling had always felt content, safe and loved there.

Shrill beeping and alarms cut through the peaceful scenery and Sterling’s face turned pale and pained.

“Pressure’s dropping. We’re losing her.” a male voice stated. 

The beeping increased in frequency and the sounds of tools clanking and cursing shattered the illusion of peace. 

“Damnit. She’s in defib. Get a crash cart.” a woman ordered.

Sterling’s face then became unreadable but Blair could taste the fear in the air. It was a bitter and acrid taste like the time she bit the stem of a dandelion because Sterling had said they were edible. Storm clouds suddenly manifested in the air and the air was charged. It was as if Sterling's world was holding its breath.

The woman's voice spoke again.

“Charge to 200”.

At that command, thunder roared and the heavens split open. Sheets of rain slammed onto the Earth and soaked them both. Blair shrieked at the freezing rain pelting her body. It was the weirdest sensation. To feel soaking wet but know it wasn’t real. Sterling didn’t make a sound. Instead her hair became plastered to her face and she just stood there with her gaze on the ground.

“Charge again”

Blair’s heart was in her throat. This couldn’t be happening. She did not want to have to say goodbye to Sterling like this. To hear her die. To be stuck in this dreamscape and wake up back in her body, knowing that her sister died.

Sterling lifted her head and Blair’s heart cracked at the hopelessness and exhaustion in Sterling’s eyes. Horror dawned on her. Without Sterling saying a word, Blair knew. Sterling didn’t think she could survive this. It wasn’t the physical wound itself though that was life threatening. Sterling believed that God had given her more than she could handle. That Dana’s truth had shattered not only her sense of self but a fundamental truth that Sterling relied on to hold herself together, to be able to get up everyday and face the world with Blair at her side. She had fallen hard and fast toward a rock bottom that she did not think she could climb out of. 

There was an apology and a farewell in Sterling’s gaze and she turned back towards the direction she was originally going in. She was heading toward the path that led to the forest, to a final resting place. One summer when they were ten, Sterling had confessed that she felt closest to God in nature rather than when they were stuck in a stuffy church building in their Sunday clothes. It was a surprise to ten year old Blair because everyone in the church and Sunday school said their experience with God had all been very similar. And Sterling who was the favorite child and doted on by everyone, did not follow the crowd like a blind sheep. Instead she had asked questions about her faith and wondered about her relationship with God. Blair as the resident rule breaker and badass did believe in God but wasn’t a fan of the plastic smiles and facades that everyone on church plastered on. Not a fan of the social niceties and the judging looks from the Buckhead community. She got a kick out of messing with people and pulling pranks. It was even better when Sterling was her partner in crime. Even at the young age of 10, Blair thought everyone was full of shit. Sterling was always the exception to Blair’s belief in humanity. People strongly believed that the church was a house of worship and you were supposed to feel God very strongly there. It had made Sterling uneasy about the idea that there was a certain way that Christians should worship and that they had to follow **all** the rules in order to go to heaven. She had whispered her fears after an afternoon of picking blackberries for their Gramma’s pie. Under the shade of a sycamore tree, Sterling had held Blair’s hand so tight. Afraid that Blair would scorn her and call her stupid for feeling different. As the older twin, Blair had held Sterling in her arms and whispered reassurances and sweet nothings. At the time, she was still the taller twin before Sterling hit her growth spurt in middle school. They fell asleep in a clearing past the forest with a belly full of berries. Reassured by their bond and the silent promise that they would always have each other’s backs.

Dread filled Blair and she knew that if she let Sterling walk away, she would be gone forever. She grabbed Sterling’s hand and almost let go of them in shock. They were icy cold as if Sterling had stayed outside in the middle of a snow storm. Blair herself though was feeling as if she was burning up with panic, frustration and worry. 

Sterling wouldn’t face her but she stopped walking. Her head was cocked to the side and Blair knew she was listening. Waiting. Waiting for Blair to give her a reason to stay.

Blair licked her lips and took a deep breath.

“Sterling, don’t go. You **can** do this. I know it’s easy to give in but we’re here for you Sterl.”

Sterling’s back was still facing away from hers. At the nickname, Sterling’s shoulders hunched forward and she started trembling. Realization dawned on Blair. Blair wasn’t the only one who called Sterling, Sterl. Something happened at the lock in didn’t it? As if in response to Blair’s silent question/thought Sterling seemed to curl even tighter on herself. As if she wanted to shrink into nothing.

_How? How am I supposed to go on?_

It was weird hearing Sterling through their bond but not being able to see her face. The anguish in that one word, threatened to send Blair into despair as well. This dream world or whatever it was, was a way that Blair and Sterling could interact on a deeper level than just communicating face to face without anyone understanding. Blair could feel the ebb and flow of Sterling’s emotions and feelings and vice versa. Though she wasn’t the one controlling the world. That was all Sterling. She steeled herself and mustered every bit of courage she had. She could be strong enough for the both of them.

“Well, with starters. Don’t. Give. Up. I can’t promise that things will be ok when you wake up but I can promise that you will be ok. That the next moment will be less shitty and the moment after that. I know it feels like your world has been turned upside down with everything and you don’t know where to start but **I’m here.** Mom and dad love you. It doesn’t matter if you’re not their biological child. They love us soooo much. We’re their whole world which is kind of sad and cheesy but we love it. They’ll be with you every step of the way. Even April is on her way to make sure you’re ok.”

The pelting rain had started to slow to a drizzle but Sterling still wouldn’t face Blair. Silent sobs racked her body. 

Blair then spoke a truth that was written in the walls of her heart, into her very soul.

“I don’t want to do this without you,” Blair whispered.

At that, Sterling turned and grasped Blair’s hand tightly. Tears were streaming down her face and even in this dreamscape Sterling was an ugly crier. Snot ran down her face, her eyes were red rimmed and she was slightly hiccuping.

Blair got what she was feeling. After all that happened in the past 24 hours, Sterling did not want to face the fall out of the bomb that went off in their lives. Did not want her whole life to have been a lie. Did not want to pick up the pieces of her shattered body and life. To face the rumors, pressure of school, parents and their fucked up society. In the past month, Sterling had become a pariah at school, got drunk and ostracized by her former friends, had to dealt with the consequences about getting drunk and have her privacy violated by everyone in the community who knew she had sex with Luke. Something that was supposed to be private and personal between her and Luke was out there for everyone to see. She then broke up with Luke who she had been with since the 5th grade. The fact that, while exploring herself, Sterling found April was insane. Even though they were teenagers and sometimes small things felt like the end of the world, it was a stressful time for both of them. Sterling was expected to be this perfect daughter, student and model member for her peers. The Golden Girl of Willingham Academy. Blair had this reputation of not giving a fuck about most things and there wasn’t any expectations for her. But just because she looked like she didn’t care didn’t mean that she wasn’t a good student or that she didn’t care about her family and her relationships. This past month had lots of unexpected changes that were overwhelming, especially for Sterling. It was too much.

Sterling had always been a very anxious and nervous person to the point she couldn’t function at times. When she got overwhelmed she tended to shut down or got anxiety attacks. When they were little, Blair and Sterling had learned to politely and quickly escape socializing when Sterling got an attack. They had learned early on that there was a culture of silence regarding mental health in their religious community and those with mental illness were shamed, blamed and weren’t supported. Blair was pretty sure that Sterling had Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This meant that Sterling got overly obsessed with worrying about things and tended to think about worst case scenarios to the point were she couldn't move.

The silver lining though was that they had always been there for each other. Through thick and thin. When Blair had days were she couldn’t get out of bed Sterling always covered for her and was a solid presence that didn’t judge and was silently there. Whenever things got too much. When life got too much for Blair and she didn't have any motivation or felt super shitty about herself, Sterling was her touchstone.

She pulled Sterling into the hug that she had wanted to give her in the trailer park after Dana dropped the truth bomb. She enveloped Sterling with Sterling’s head pressing into her shoulder and her hand on Sterling’s head and back. She poured all her love, hope and reassurance into the hug and tried her best to squeeze all their broken pieces together.

“It’s ok. We’re ok. I promise that we can do this. I promise that I'll be there when you wake up.”

The _I promise that I won’t leave you_ was unspoken and lingered in the air.

Sterling lifted her tearstained face and spoke hopefully, “Twin swear?”

“Twin swear”.

They linked pinkies and Sterling gave Blair a small, tremulous smile. 

The rain stopped and the grey clouds lightened. The sun peeked through the clouds bathing the rain soaked earth with its rays. Blair grabbed Sterling’s hand and led her to their spot on the lake’s shore. Blair stayed until the sun had set over the lake. They had sat in silence with all the spoken and unspoken words between them. They had just basked in the familiar presence by their side. Blair counted two times when Sterling’s figure had flicked but Sterling just held onto Blair’s hand with all her strength and Blair became her anchor. When the dreamscape started to dissolve, they turned to each other and simply said, “I love you” in farewell until they would see each other in the real world.

Blair came back to her body and glanced at her watch. It was 4:24 AM and thirty minutes had passed even though it had felt hours. Blair knew instinctively that Sterling would be ok. It was an uphill battle but they could do it.

April then had soon stormed into the waiting room and Blair was too emotionally exhausted to muster up the energy to bitch slap April for her insensitive comment. Plus Sterling would just give Blair her patented kicked puppy eyes if April ended up with a black eye. Blair had enough to feel guilty about. She didn’t want Sterling to stress about April on top of the mountain of things that was waiting for her.

After learning about Sterling’s condition from Dr.Williams who she identified as the female voice in the dreamscape and confirming what Blair already knew about Sterling coding, she was ready to camp out near Sterling’s hospital bed. But there was one problem. 

“At the moment, only family will be able to visit the patient while she is in the ICU. Friends and other visitors should be allowed to visit when we move her to a room on the recovery floor”.

At this, April grasped Blair’s arm tightly and tugged Blair’s head down to her.

She hissed, “As far as anyone knows, my name is June Wesley. I am your cousin. I’ll explain things to your parents but I have to see her”.

June Wesley? What the fuck?? What the hell did she get into when she accepted April’s call? When Sterling was feeling well enough, she was sooooo going to owe Blair for having to put up with April. Allowing Blair to gush about BTS and play their music for the next 10 car rides seemed fair enough. 

She nodded her head and was grateful that Sterling had decided to stay. It seemed like a small price to pay, to have to deal with April if she got to see Sterling smile again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally don’t have experience with mental illness to the best of my knowledge but I do have friends and family that do suffer from it. Mental illness and suicide is a serious issue and I hope I do not come across as making light of these issues. I am open to constructive criticism and learning. If my portrayal is offensive or ableistic, or just rubs you the wrong way, please let me know.
> 
> Here are some resources for mental illness and suicide prevention. (Though I think most of these are resources in the US. If you guys want to add links in the comments, you’re free to do so). If you are struggling with mental health issues or suicidal thoughts or tendencies, please tell someone or seek help. I may be some stranger on the internet but I hope everyone is staying safe during this dumpster fire of a year and if you’re in the U.S. don’t forget to vote. 
> 
> The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): 1-800-950-6264, info@nami.org. NAMI operates an emergency mental health hotline Monday–Friday from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. EST.  
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
> 
> Mental Health America Hotline: Text MHA to 741741 
> 
> Crisis Text Line: Text CONNECT to 741741]


	5. We're Too Afraid to Crash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hope everyone had a good Labor Day weekend if you guys are in the U.S. If you’re in California like me, then the super orange sun and orange sky because of the wildfires is pretty freaky. Hope everyone is staying safe and taking things day by day.
> 
> Anyways, I wasn’t sure if I got Bowser and Anderson’s characterization well but I’m happy the plot is moving along. Gunshot wounds are crazyyyyyy scary and so much more complicated than what tv shows and movies make it out to be. I do want to warn you guys that I have looked up information in regards to gunshot wounds and hospital setups but as always, this is a work of fiction and it may not be entirely accurate. Thanks for everyone who gave comments and kudos or those who decide to check this story out. You guys, gals and nonbinary pals are the best.

“Only family will be able to visit” the doctor had said.

Who was he to Sterling and Blair? It had been a long night for Bowser and he was still reeling from the day’s events. He had found the courage to ask Yolanda out but was shocked and envious to find out that bitch-ass Terrence had beaten him to the punch and was dating Yolanda. He may be a bit of a stubborn mule but he can admit that he was being a smidge immature by going down to Florida to get away from the mess in Atlanta. 

Yolanda had always seen too much. Had seen through his excuses about leaving Atlanta and seen through about how he felt about the girls. As much as they annoyed him and talked wayyyy too much about their relationship problems and treated bounty hunting like a game, they had somehow wormed their way into his heart. They were the closest thing he had to family in a long time besides his mother, ex-wife and Yolanda. Almost like the crazy daughters he never wanted but surprisingly, enjoyed having around.

In all his 10 years of bounty hunting, he rarely if not ever let anything distract him from tracking down and taking a skip in. He also worked alone because it was easier that way. He didn’t have to deal with the razzing and ostracization that came from what happened in Florida. The judgemental looks and the pity and sneers. In the span of a month, he had allowed two teenage girls to help him with skips and had let them in on his personal life and even skipped a big pay day by not turning in their mother who turns out to have an identical twin who turned out to be the real bounty. He even had worked with Terrence and then chosen to comfort Blair over bringing in a bounty. Then that fucking video went online and old wounds had resurfaced. He was in deep shit. He had allowed himself to care and look at what it got him. He fucked things up with Yolanda, fired the girls and one of the girls got shot. He would have done anything for it to have been him. But they had all been in shock at the truth that had exploded at their feet. Now he was besides himself with worry over Sterling and Blair.

He glanced at Yolanda who hadn’t once left his side since he updated her on the situation. He was surprised to see her come in an hour into the surgery in the waiting room sans makeup and in a silk nightgown and robe. She had waved off his questions about Terrence and said she didn’t want him to be alone. Concern and frustration was coming off her in waves but she was a solid presence at his side. Taking a deep breath, he nodded at the surgeon and turned to the Wesleys.

“I think it’s time I left. Keep me updated on the situation and I’ll come visit once Sterling’s ready for visitors,” Bowser said gently.

Anderson and Debbie tore their eyes away from the surgeon and gave a distracted but grateful nod to Bowser. Blair’s exhausted and anxious face faced him and she looked ready to pass out. At Bowser’s words, she seemed ready to fall apart at any moment. Without Sterling at her side, Blair had wilted and even with the current circumstances, it was like looking at a peanut butter sandwich. It wasn’t the same without the jelly. She took a step forward and Bowser swept her up into a gentle hug.

He reassured her, “I decided not to leave. I’m going to take a break from work but I’ll be there, if you need me. Keep me updated and you’re always welcome at the shop if you need it”.

She tightened her grip on him and his heart cracked at her small and trembling body. She took a shaky breath and stepped back. At his reassurances the panic of his departure lessened and relief shone in her teary gaze. 

She whispered, “Thank you for everything.”

With one last glance at the operating doors separating him from Sterling, he exited the hospital with Yolanda on his heels.

He reached his station wagon jeep and in a fit of frustration and rage drove a fist down on the hood of his car. The metal bended slightly under his meaty hand and it started to ache but he didn’t care.

Yolanda watches him warily and concerned but gave him a moment. She then asks, “Better?”

He chuckles bitterly, “Not really. I . . .I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how those two annoyances became so important in my life that I would drop everything for them. That I would get involved in this wacked family drama and start giving a damn about things”.

The implied  _ start giving a damn about myself and you _ lingered in the air.

Yolanda’s face was a mixture of pity, wistfulness and sadness and for a moment, he remembered a time before things were complicated. When he was Officer Simmons and she was Yolanda, the badass bounty hunter. When there was this charge in the air whenever they were together and his eyes always sought hers in a room. Now with all this history between them, instead of that electrical charge, there was this familiarity and comfort of someone who knew the best and worst of you. Some part of him hoped that they could be together . . . someday but he would have her in his life anyway he could.

Yolanda was the first one to break eye contact. Looking down she said, “I’m glad to hear that Sterling will be ok and that you’re sticking around for a bit. There’s something you need to know . . .” Her eyes hardened and she met his eyes again and it looked like she was bracing herself for his reaction. At that look, he shifted nervously.

“I received a call from my judge friend who I asked to keep an eye on one of your skips. I learned earlier this afternoon that John Stevens had all charges dropped against him. He’s back and he’s most likely going to be gunning for your girls or at least stirring up some shit”.

At that, Bowser cursed viciously and had the urge to slam his fists on the hood of his car again. Or even into John Stevens face. He couldn’t believe that those two mess of hormones and glitter had subdued the man but they surprised him. He took a few deep breaths and then turned to Yolanda with a question in his eyes as he stated, “Then I guess we got some work to do. We’re going to make sure this scumbag doesn’t cause anymore trouble”.

With a small smile, Yolanda nodded. He offered to give her a ride home and she accepted. As the sun started to peak over the horizon, Bowser couldn’t bring himself to regret coming to Atlanta and having two teenagers crash into his life.

* * *

If anyone had told Anderson Wesley when he was 18, that the love of his life would be a gun toting, foul mouthed spitfire of a woman he would have laughed in their face. At 18, he had graduated valedictorian at Willingham Academy and was going to Emory University double majoring in business and political science. Ever since he was little, he knew he would be a part of the family business at his daddy’s firm but plans changed. He met Debbie when they were 20 and had all the cockiness and swagger of a rich, young and good looking man who knew he was on top of the world. When Debbie had gracefully and firmly knocked him down a few pegs, he became smittened. He worked hard to earn her love and respect and 18 years later they had 2 kids, a dog and a beloved house. Though never did he think that one of  **his** daughters would be in the hospital from a fatal gunshot wound (because that was what Sterling’s was,  **his daughter).**

After Mr.Simmons and Yolanda (she didn’t give a last name), had vacated the waiting room, Anderson was a bundle of nerves. He needed to see Sterling. Needed to lay his eyes on her honey tresses, see the sparkle in her baby blues and hear her voice rambling about the latest gun models and her whip-smart mind at work when talking about school though especially, about science.

He didn’t know what to feel about everything. He had cycled through terror, frustration, rage, relief and then shock and agony of seeing both of his daughters in danger. He knew better than most, how deadly and dangerous guns were. He hunted regularly and since he was young had handled all sorts of weapons in regards to it. He knew how much a damage a 38 caliber handgun could do to a buck within 10 feet. He had a jagged scar on his upper arm from when Deacon had accidentally shot and grazed his right arm. It had hurt like a motherfucker. Big Daddy could complain about his wood chopping skills, him not being as manly as Deacon or that he was “sensitive” and needed to man up. But he couldn’t say shit about his shooting skills. He was a sharpshooter despite what his older brother, Deacon would say. He was great at shooting within 250-300 yards but Debbie, wowza!, could pick off a deer at 400 yards. When Sterling had taken an interest in guns at a younger age but wasn’t a fan of hunting innocent animals, he had gotten her a BB gun. Blair on the other hand was somewhat interested but as she got older, wasn’t a fan of hunting while Sterling had come to the understanding that hunting wasn’t done excessively but for meat, recreation and to help with wildlife management. When Sterling had shot her first gun and then, her first bullseye, pride had swelled in his chest. Now, the memory seemed distant and all he could think about was the blood coating his hands and the awful choking noises she had made. Her eyes had reminded him of one of the does that his father had shot when he was 12. All animal panic, intense fear and bleeding light as the animal’s chest had slowly fallen still.

He glanced over at his wife and she seemed to be having a silent conversation with Dana that ended with Dana giving a short nod, and sitting back down. Blair strode up to them with a determined but exhausted look and quickly pulled them aside.

“For now, if anyone asks April Stevens is mine and Sterling’s cousin, June Wesley. She’s Uncle Deacon’s daughter.” Blair whispered. Her voice had cracked at Sterling’s name but her gaze was resolute.

Debbie made a sound of protest but Blair cut her off with a harsh look. Surprise and confusion swirled in his head. He had no idea what the hell that earlier phone call was about except that Blair had gotten increasingly upset but eventually calmed down. When he saw the Stevens girl barge into the waiting room, he remembered that Sterling had asked to borrow his workshop for a school project. Sterling had confided in him that she and April had been becoming friends again and the happiness, excitement and another emotion he could not decipher was shining in her eyes. He had remembered that growing up, besides Blair, April and Sterling were as thick as thieves. Sterling would always squirm with enthusiasm and joy at playing with April and her pigtails would bounce as she shook with excitement. After 5th grade, he had wondered if the girls had grown apart when April had stopped coming over. Maybe April and Sterling had gotten around to being best friends again.

Righteous anger bloomed on Blair's face and she hissed at them, “You owe us for all the lies and . . .”. Debbie’s face had gone pale with shame and regret and Blair deflated and said, “and Sterling is going to need April. She’s going to need someone outside of all this craziness”.

He shared a glance with Debbie and they nodded in acquiesce. After a quick family huddle, it was decided that Debbie and he would check in on Sterling first. It seemed that at any point that only 2 visitors could visit Sterling in the ICU but thank the Lord, that there was overnight visiting. He didn’t think Debbie and he could pry Blair away from Sterling. After they checked on Sterling, Blair and April could go in while he went back to the house to pack enough clothes for all of them for at least a week. Dana would be allowed to visit last while Debbie was in the room. Then she would be heading to the closest county jail.

He followed Dr. Williams down the hall and grabbed his wife’s hand in support. She gave him a shaky smile but squeezed his hand in response. He heard the soft footfalls of Blair and April as they trailed behind them. They reached a room with clear windows and he almost ran into his wife as she halted to a stop. 

Looking through the windows, his knees went weak and he moved to grip the edges of the window sill. Sterling looked so small covered in all the wires and machines that covered most of the room. Sterling was 5’7” but covered in blankets and connected to a ventilator made her seem like a child instead of the teenager that she was. Debbie had a hand to her mouth and tears had started leaking out of her ocean blue eyes. A choked noise had come from April as she caught sight of the room and its occupant. Blair on the other hand had staggered back as if hit and slid down the wall with her knees to her chest.

Dr.Williams gave them all a sympathetic glance and put a comforting arm on Debbie’s shoulder. She spoke firmly but soft, “It looks bad but things will get better. She’ll need the ventilator until she is able to breathe on her own but she’s young and in good shape. It helps to have family nearby to talk to her while she’s unconscious. Talk to her about happy memories and good times or read something to her”.

Anderson nodded numbly. Putting an arm around his wife, they entered the cool and dimly lit room. Machines beeped and Sterling’s heartbeat was slow but steady. The whoosh and click of the ventilator hurt his heart but he and Debbie slowly reached the head of the bed.

Sterling’s face still looked pale and ashen but the wrinkles of pain had smoothed out in sleep. If it wasn’t for the machines and beeping, he could have pretended that Debbie and him were checking in on the girls at night. Her honey blonde hair was limp but someone had washed the blood from the silky strands. Her gown was padded with bulky bandages and her hand laid limply at her side.

Looking over at his wife, he noticed that she was drinking Sterling’s appearance in. At this moment, he was just bone deep tired. Tired of all the lies, secrets and bullshit. He loved his wife with all his heart but she made a huge mistake. He should have said something earlier and had convinced her that the girls had the right to know where she had come from. From where Sterling had come from. A mistake now that it seemed that both his girls were paying for. The girls were his whole world and he did his best to provide for them. Even dealt with his father’s pointed remarks and his brother’s bullying. 

They had promised to put the girls first before they were born regardless of reputation, wealth and keeping up appearances. Resentment and anger curled in his stomach at his wife but he knew now wasn’t the time. They had a lot to sort through.

He grabbed Sterling’s cold and what felt like a lifeless hand. The only thing keeping him together was the fact that he could see her chest slightly rising and feel her pulse thrum through his hand.

He bent over her prone form and gave a light kiss to her forehead. 

“I love you baby girl. Doesn’t matter if you’re my blood or if you weren’t. Doesn’t matter if you had completely totaled the truck or slept with the whole golf team. We all make mistakes. It matters what you do after them. You’re mine Sterling and I’m sorry if we gave any indication that you weren’t ours. I promise that we’ll do better. That I’ll do better”, He vowed. Debbie’s eyes flickered with annoyance at the “sleeping with the golf team” but had softened with love and guilt at the rest of his words. 

He held his wife in a solid but loving embrace and gave her a kiss that conveyed all his love, sorrow and hope for the coming weeks. That Sterling would be ok. That they could explain themselves and bring their shattered family back together. She sank into his embrace and he felt her melt into him. She kissed back with desperation and sorrow. When they broke the kiss, he gave one last look and kiss to Sterling.

“I’ll be back soon, baby girl. You’re strong, you’re brave and I know we can get through this. I love you as far as the eyes can see. To infinity and beyond.”

  
A fond smile crossed his face at the memory of Blair and Sterling being cowgirls and space rangers after watching  _ Toy Story _ . They had started saying that they loved them “to infinity and beyond”. He squared his shoulders and took step after step away from his family. His world.


	6. We’re Just a Few Tears Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just realized in the show that Levi ran out of bullets in the firefight but let’s just pretend that he had some left or changed the magazine with one he had in his jeans. Thanks for all the feedback and kudos. A special shout out to TiaLaila whose comments usually help point me in a direction that I wasn’t thinking about before.
> 
> She/He/They asked if there was going to be any Blair/Miles in this fic and I thought Blair should have some resolution as well. I think Blair and Miles' relationship is interesting on many layers. Not only is it an interracial relationship but there is a lot of tension because of their race. I feel like we could have seen more of Miles as a character and understand why he likes Blair. How long had he been working at the country club? Why did he decide to date Blair if he thought they wouldn’t work? 
> 
> The main pairing is Sterling/April. I just love them so much. They have so much history, chemistry and I love the enemies-friends-lovers trope. Plus April is so cute when she is with Sterling and Sterling is a total gay mess for April. Blairs and Miles will have their own moment to shine but as stated previously, April plays a major role in the drama and fluff to come. I hope everyone is doing well. On with the show!

It was jarring to see Sterling like this. Like some pale ghost similar to the Grudge, which they only knew about because Blair had convinced Sterling to watch the movie with her when their parents were out on one of their date nights. Olive Bear wasn’t enough protection against the shadows around the house so Blair had crashed on her sister’s bed. It was nice to know that Blair wasn’t the only one afraid. Sterling had almost screamed when Blair had crawled into her bed with Olive Bear. Blair quickly shot off a text to her dad to bring Olive Bear so that the stuffed animal could bring them both comfort.

After her dad had left to go grab their things from the house, Blair had stood up unsteadily and gave a dip of her head in acknowledgement to April and headed to the door to Sterling’s room. Her mom was so still that Blair almost thought that she was a statue. Only instead of some fancy name like “The Thinker'' or “Christ the Redeemer”, her mom would be called “Guilt & Sorrow”. Her mom’s face flickered in Blair’s mind eye back at the trailer park. Her mom had lowered the shotgun and absolute sorrow and remorse had been directed at them. Blair didn’t know what to feel. She didn’t know if her mother was sorry that she lied or sorry that she got caught lying. And her father knew all along! Anger licked at her but she put it aside. But seeing her mom’s face twisted with agony and despair at Sterling’s condition made Blair reach out to her mom and give her a hard side hug. Her mom’s arms automatically reached over to wrap Blair in her arms. Sterling and their mom were the exact same height. It was unfair that Blair was two inches shorter than them but their mom bent down a bit and hugged Blair so tight. As if she was afraid that if she didn’t hold on to Blair tight enough, Blair would disappear. Tear drops started to wet the back of Blair’s dark jacket.

No sounds came from her mom but her body shook with the force of her sobs. Wrapped in the familiar scent of her mom’s lavender perfume, Blair felt like a kid again. When her mother’s expectations (or lack of them) weren’t weighing on her and she was just the woman who had raised them and put bandaids on their scrapes. Who always made the best homemade hot chocolate after nightmares and whose eyes lit up with delight when Blair got a math problem right. The dam that held back all of Blair’s anxieties, hurts and terror from the whole day came roaring out and Blair sobbed in her mother’s arms. 

It had been one thing after another and Blair didn’t want to have to hold on to the weight of everything that had happened. Even though Blair thrived on chaos and enjoyed when her life was whimsical, unpredictable and fascinating she didn’t want the upheaval that came from her life going to hell because of her parents decisions. Identical twins? Not actually being Sterling’s twin sister? A fucking bounty on her Aunt for blowing up an abortion clinic? What was this, a Korean drama? Or a Telanovela? She didn’t care. She was so soooo tired of trying to hold things together. Of trying to find the truth. Of chasing after someone who turns out didn’t believe that she was as important as she thought he was. Of losing her sister to April Stevens or her Aunt Dana.

She doesn’t know how long they stood there crying but Blair felt drained and at the moment, soothed by her mother’s touch and love. Debbie released Blair and smoothed over Blair’s messy hair. Her eyes were red rimmed and her mascara was running down her face but Blair thought it made her look more human rather than the Stepford wife routine that she put on. She grabbed a tissue out of her purse and dabbed her eyes.

Her mom gave a slight chuckle and stated, “What a pair, we are. We look like raccoons. I’m going to give you some privacy with Sterling and freshen up. Make sure April behaves herself and I’ll sort things out with your Aunt Dana”.

She gave a suspicious glance at April and then Blair, but turned her eyes back to Sterling’s limp form. Her ocean blues eyes had darkened to a midnight blue from grief and heartache for the situation. Sending a loving glance her way and a kiss on her check, her mom left Sterling’s room. 

Blair wondered if Sterling was dreaming and back at the lake house or if she was blissfully and deeply unconscious. She grabbed one of the cushioned plastic chairs and brought it up to Sterling’s side. She took Sterling’s right hand in both of her hers and tried to infuse as much warmth in her grip. It seemed like it wasn’t just the dream world where Sterling had cold hands. Maybe it was from the blood loss. She pulled the hand to her face and closed her eyes. Reaching out through their bond, Blair reached and reached but felt nothing. Not the empty void of nothing as if Sterling was gone but the feeling when you reach out to grab someone’s shoulder but miss and grab air. You can see and to a certain extent feel that the person is there but you just can’t reach them. Blair’s eye peeled open and a wry grin formed on her face.

“Glad that one of us is getting sleep. You obviously need as much as you can get. Not all of us can wake up this gorgeous,” Blair flipped her hair and gave her best glamour pose.

The click and whir of the machinery answered her. But she could imagine Sterling rolling her eyes and giving a fond shake of her head at her dramatics. Not to be made uneasy by all the medical equipment, Blair just charged on.

“Doc says we should talk to you while you’re unconscious because it helps but I still think our form of communication is better. . .

I wanted to update you on the craziness of my night. While you were at the lock-in and getting kidnapped. Which by the way, we should have a super secret code whenever people pick us up. Like people have to roll up in their car and say ‘get in loser, we’re going shopping’ in their best Regina George voice. Or do Baymax’s fist bump from  _ Big Hero 6 _ .

Anyways, I got to Mile’s McMansion and totally just stormed past these servants. I mean, who has butlers these days? And I just give this big, cheesy romantic speech in front of his whole family. And he just stands there mouth open like he doesn’t know I’m a dramatic woman who just gave a declaration of love.”

Something flickers in their bond and Blair knows that Sterling is listening. She’s curious and wanted to know if it’s a part of their wonder twins? sister/cousin powers? Can almost see Sterling with her wide eyes and face raptured in her story. Hear her say, “He should know better. You’re like the most dramatic person I know. Maybe besides April”. Blair sent back an offended gasp down the bond. She  **was** the most dramatic woman that Sterling knew. She should know better! A tiny smile curved her lips as she continued.

“I know. You think he would know me better and that there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do once I set my mind on it.”

Her smile faded when remembering Miles’s mother asking who she was.

“It was humiliating. Standing in front of his family who had no idea who I was. Like I was some crazy white girl that just crashed their dinner party. Which I kinda did. Miles dragged me outside and basically broke up with me again. Had made it seem like our relationship was a mistake and that it was doomed to fail. That he wanted to ‘fit in with his family”.

Comfort and sadness flowed through the bond. Blair wrapped herself in Sterling’s mental presence and she wanted nothing but to be in her room with Sterling wrapped around her while they cuddled. Tears started to trickle down her cheeks again. She had thought she was all cried out.

Blair summoned a wobbly smile and declared, “Then, I gave a speech that would have blown your socks off. I told him that I wanted to change for him, that I loved him and he had the nerve to tell me that I didn’t know what I wanted. Or that I didn’t know who I was”.

Outrage and “I’m going to kick his ass” flared in her mind from Sterling. A mental image of Sterling putting her fists up and saying “fight me!” flashed in her mind. Amusement rolled through her side of the bond at the mental image of having Sterling duke it out over Blair’s honor as the image occupied their shared mental space. Relief enveloped Blair at being able to get her heartbreak off her chest. It was difficult for Blair to have the space to be heard and validated. She often got lost in the shuffle while her parents fawned over Sterling. She often felt like she was overshadowed by Sterling’s achievements and golden girl image. That Sterling was the favorite while she was a disappointment. It wasn’t Sterling’s fault but it wasn’t ideal that Sterling was the few if not only person that she felt seen, heard and validated. Miles had been getting there. Getting to a place where Blair could trust him enough with her thoughts and true self.

She sheepishly admitted, “I might have also confessed that I was depressed but I told him that he was going to miss out on a passionate, exciting, depressed, thoughtful, artistic, badass, super hot woman in training and he would miss out on all the things I’m going to do in the world.”

After she finished the last words, she felt steadier and lighter. She felt that Sterling had somehow heard what she had said even though she was unconscious. 

“Speaking of partners and the drama they bring. April’s here and you would not believe what that girl made us do to let her see you. I got your back. I don’t know what happened at the lock in to make April look so guilty but I’ll kick her ass if she hurts you. I love you so much.”

An “I love you too” resonated through the bond. The last thing she wanted to do was leave Sterling’s side but April had started pacing the hall. She looked ready to bolt out the hospital doors or rush into Sterling’s room. Her knees cracked from sitting for a while and her body was stiff from hunching over but she made it to the door. April’s head swung to hers when the door opened.

“You can go in.” Blair said.

Relief and nervousness danced in April’s eyes before she gathered a breath and strided towards the room. Before she could fully enter, Blair grabbed her wrist tightly.

“I’m warning you Stevens. Don’t make me regret letting you see Sterling. One wrong move, word, or even look in her direction and I’ll show you why the Renegades lacrosse team doesn’t dare cross me”.

April gave Blair a heated glare but her gaze swung to Sterling’s form. She gave a jerky nod and wrenched her hand free from Blair’s grip. Blair glared back but softened her gaze at April’s look of desperation, guilt and longing. Settling in against the chair opposing Sterling’s room, Blair opened up Angry Birds 2 and watched April enter Sterling’s room. A text notification from Miles popped up.

**05:47 am**

**From: (S)miles 😏❤️🍆**

Hey. Sorry for the early text but I’ve been thinking, we need to talk. I don’t like how we left things and I want a chance to explain myself. I’m sorry about last night.

*** 

April liked charts, graphs, planners and plans on top of plans. She had a color coded schedule for when she did school work, when she went to the gym and even when she indulged in watching  _ How To Get Away With Murder  _ or  _ Wynonna Earp _ . That last one, she made to carefully delete her internet history or used a private browser. What was not in her plans was her father getting arrested. Neither was becoming friends with Sterling Wesley again after the 5th Grade Betrayal and for Sterling to unexpectedly kiss her. She hadn’t planned to get even more attached to Sterling than she already was.

It was because of her work ethic that April was trained in CPR, First Aid & AED use just in case. She was not big on hunting like the Wesleys or her father but preferred clay target shooting or skeet shooting. It was cleaner, efficient and didn’t end up with dead animals. But because of their general community and the amount of firearms, April had made sure to also be trained in gun safety as well as taking a specialized course on gunshot wound and trauma first aid. She just never thought that someone close to her would have to ever experience being shot.

After Blair had convinced her parents with heated glances and words, April had followed the Wesleys to Sterling’s ICU room. The hospital hallways were brightly lit and filled with the smell of disinfectant and a sickly sweet floral smell. She had walked down the hall with her head up high and back straight, pretending that she had as much of a right to see Sterling as any of the other Wesleys. But when the group suddenly halted, April had cursed her height and shifted to the side to see around Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. She immediately wished that she was back at the lock-in with Sterling and that she wasn’t stupid enough to have had pushed her away. Because then maybe Sterling wouldn’t have looked half dead in a hospital bed, hooked up to all sorts of machinery. 

She must have made some sound because Mr. Anderson glanced back at them with a concerned look. He and his wife were close to the windows, hands trembling with fear and desperation. April caught a glimpse of Blair with her back to the wall and her knees curled to her chest. A pang of sympathy and concern went through April. She didn’t know what it was like to have a twin or a sibling that was her best friend and closest confidant, but she knew what it felt like when a family member was suddenly taken from you. It must have been killing Blair to not be at Sterling’s side. It was tearing her apart and Sterling and her had just recently reconnected. It had only been a week but it felt longer than that. Like this thing between them had been building since the 5th grade.

Sterling had dated Luke after they won “most popular” but Sterling was so attentive and observant to what April was doing even back then. The fact that she remembered what April read in 5th grade and the sparks of rivalry, attraction and emotion had always charged the air between them even though April and Sterling hadn’t noticed. It didn’t matter if they were debating, hanging out or making out in the Volt. They were like opposite ends of a magnet. Always attracted to one another. The choice she made earlier that night was laid between them and she had driven a firm wedge into all the progress that they had made. Her concerns about not coming out were valid but ultimately, she had to choose between historical traditions and family values and Sterling. Sterling, who was only one person. One that she was starting to let back into her circle of trust. Sterling, who had given her the courage to almost take that leap with her. But her father coming back had shattered her hope and the night had just gotten worse.

She watched as Mr. and Mrs. Anderson took the time to fuss over Sterling’s unconscious form. She felt like she was intruding on a private moment so she turned over what she knew about the injury and next steps. The Wesleys wouldn’t be going to church on Sunday and she didn’t know how long it would be before Sterling was back in school. A collapsed lung, broken and fractured ribs, cracked sternum and healing from invasive surgery would take at least a few weeks in the hospital before Sterling was back home at her home. Most likely on bed rest. It would take a long while before Sterling would be back to normal and even then, the psychological and physical ramifications would have lasting effects.

April was tempted to grab the doctor’s chart by the door to read Sterling’s vitals. Before she was born, her mother used to be a trauma surgeon in the ER and when she was older, would let April look through some old patient files of patients that were deceased with their names changed to aliases. Now, she worked limited hours as a physician. She would often teach April how to look at case files and ask what would April do based off of her limited knowledge. Her mom had hoped it would spark an interest in the field of medicine but April had left her options open. Especially when her father would beam when she asked  questions about the family business. When April was able to enter Sterling’s room she was going to verify that Sterling was ok with her own eyes and make sure that Blair was able to update her on Sterling’s condition and when she would be moved to a general ward. Lord, it was 5 in the morning. She was ready for this night/day to be over.

Her parents expected her back around 10 am. She could see Sterling and then crash in her car for a few hours and then, drive back home. Mr. Wesley vacated the room looking like a man on a mission. Blair then entered and April caved into her impulses and took a quick look around to make sure no one was watching and snatched Sterling’s file by the door. Flipping through the papers and scanning through, April’s dinner of pizza and Capri sun threatened to escape. Dr. Williams had given the barest information possible as to not frighten them. The bullet had punched through her upper left chest, through a rib and had lodged in her left lung. The lung itself had collapsed and blood and other fluid had filled her chest cavity and lungs. Based on her mother’s warnings about proper gun safety and the horror stories of treating gunshot wounds, April had a pretty good idea of what the surgeon and other doctors had to do to keep Sterling’s heart pumping. There isn’t time to give general anesthesia so the patient has to receive a deep incision for there to be a chest tube as well as a breathing tube on her side. Only a quick shot of lidocaine. Hopefully, Sterling wasn’t awake for that. The bones that needed to break in order to reach a person’s heart and lungs made April shudder in fear. Dear God, they had been so close to losing her and if April hadn’t felt that something was wrong, she would have been doing her best to forget Sterling and used Luke as a beard. She may have never learned about Sterling unless she had passed away or maybe a few weeks after the fact.

The sound of sobs entered the hallway and April did her best to keep her focus on the files. She did another quick scan to make sure no one was paying any attention to her and looked back down. The diagrams of the injury made it seem that when Sterling heals, she would have a scar from the bottom of her sternum to her navel, a scar on her side and a bullet size scar on her chest. April’s chest ache at the long path of healing ahead of Sterling. She didn’t know the whole story but it seemed like Sterling had a really shitty day. If Sterling would have her, April wouldn’t care if Sterling wasn’t the same girl as she was before all this. She carefully slid the file back into its place.

When she looked back at the room, she noticed it was just Blair now and Mrs. Wesley had probably disappeared down the hallway to deal with her doppleganger. She was too wired to sit down so she started pacing back and forth. It was as good as anytime to pray.

_ Hey God. April here. Sorry, things have been hectic lately and I haven’t had the chance to talk to you. But you probably knew that. Could you just make sure that things with my parents aren’t too crazy? That my father finds a way to understand his wrongdoings and does not make things worse with mother. That my mother doesn’t dip too much into our alcohol shelf. Please give me clarity in regards to my relationship with my family and my love life. Please keep Sterling healthy and happy and have her recovery be swift. And please give me the courage to be honest and open about who I am with her and that she can understand where I am coming from. I can’t come out yet (that hasn’t changed) but I want her in my life in any way that she would have me. Please forgive me for the sins I have done and thank you for bringing her back in my life. Thank you for the friends I have even though I can be prickly and bitchy. Thank you for allowing me to be here and I love you. Amen. _

Just as she was about to turn a corner in her pacing, Blair exited the room, eyes red and bloodshot but noticeably calmer and steadier. She made eye contact with April and familiar animosity and a protective glint swirled in her eyes.

After Blair gave her permission to enter, April moved through the door. Before she could enter fully, a grip tight enough to bruise encircled her wrist. She had to resist the urge to break the hold and hit Blair for laying a hand on her. Blair moved close enough that they were almost nose to nose. Annoyance went through her at the fact that Blair had to bend down a little and was trying to intimidate her.

“I’m warning you Stevens. Don’t make me regret letting you see Sterling. One wrong move, word or even, look in her direction and I’ll show you why the Renegades lacrosse team doesn’t dare cross me,” Blair threatened.

April had to hold on to her self restraint to not snap back at Blair who she admitted had a fearsome reputation in lacrosse. But Sterling was just right there. The last time she had physically touched and seen Sterling was on a bench hours ago. It felt like a lifetime ago. Her heart clenched at the idea that Sterling was getting what she wanted in the most messed up way possible. April was going to hold her hand but only because she was in the hospital and instead of the lock-in, it was at her bedside. Urgency gripped her and April gave a faint nod. Something in Blair’s gaze loosened and she allowed April to continue on. April then entered the room and was at the mercy of a girl who had the power to destroy her in the best and worst ways possible.


	7. We’re not going up, We’re not going down, We’re Sideways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m glad people have been enjoying the story and thank you for all those who gave kudos, dropped a comment or took the time to read this work. I don’t know if this is slow in terms of the pacing of the story for people but I tend to get into the little details of the character’s thoughts and relationships. I enjoy fleshing out their feelings and backstories.
> 
> As someone who lives on the west coast and in a liberal state, it's interesting to ponder on how much social media and the internet has impacted Blair, Sterling and April. They live in the South, in a conservative state and go to a private Christian high school. It’s interesting to speculate how much they do and don’t know about. It’s crazy that they're technically born in 2004. They are sooo young. Anyways, if you ever want to chat Teenage Bounty Hunters, my tumblr is the same name as my username with the same profile picture. Please enjoy the show!

_ “Anticipation is sometimes even more exciting than the actual event”. _

That’s what Ellen had told April once when April had gotten worked up over her grades for the final when she took World History AP also known as WHAP. Her semester grades would determine how prepared she was for her first ever AP test. At the time, April had dismissed Ellen’s comfort as just the pithy sayings that she tended to spout every so often but it was true to some extent. After nailing her studying schedule and taking multiple practice tests, April was able to score a 5. The test itself wasn’t that bad but the studying, waiting and the days ticking down to the test had been nerve wracking but reassuring in the way that routine and schedules usually grounded April. All the world’s clocks could be destroyed and April would still know exactly when Sergeant Bilko’s would need feeding.

Unbeknownst to Ellen, her advice was also an accurate description of Sterling and her relationship. There had been so much buildup, tension and longing which April had believed was one sided. After the makeout session in Sterling’s Volt, April had laid her head on Sterling’s chest. Content to feel the contours of her body and the warmth of her skin. But she was also brimming with curiosity. What had made Sterling like her? What had caused her to kiss her after they finished the project?

As if Sterling had sensed her unspoken questions, she opened her mouth and said, “After I broke up with Luke, it was the first time I got to be my own individual person. It wasn’t Sterling and Luke who had been together for 6 years, it wasn’t even Blair and Sterling. I had the chance to be my own person and figure out what I like. Who I liked. What turned me on.”

April turned her head from using Sterling’s chest as a pillow and made eye contact. Sterling’s face was flush with pleasure and a lazy, content smile stretched over her face. When azure blue eyes met cornflower blue, Sterling’s face morphed into a goofy smile.

“It was around the debate tournament that I realized that despite how you have a tendency to steam roll people over, I found out that I loved how passionate, ambitious and cunning you are. You can be a bit cutthroat at times but I like someone who knows what they want and if I had to have someone who likes to lead, I wouldn’t mind following you.”

During this speech, Sterling’s face had turned ravenous but her eyes were earnest and passionate. April could feel heat rise into her cheeks and a fire ignited in her core. They had been making out for the past hour or so and every time April’s lips and hands met Sterling’s it was with curious and exploratory touches. April was an explorer and Sterling was the territory which she had recently discovered. She wanted to mark and uncover every curve, dip and freckle of her body. Wanted to touch the toned arms that were on display when Sterling wore that navy blue and white polka dotted tank during their building project. To feel and taste the skin where her neck and prominent collarbones protruded. To mark and claim that Sterling was hers but April quickly stowed that thought away for future wants. Sterling and her weren’t able to be out as a couple yet, maybe someday but indulging her desires would leave evidence. Evidence that could be discovered and used against them. God, though she wanted to. Wanted to climb Sterling like an apple tree and to give her all her firsts. Her first kiss (which was given). Her first relationship. Her first time. But she wanted to do it right. To take her time building something solid and lasting.

Just the fact that April could be herself around her and that Sterling didn’t think she was too intense was intoxicating on its own. She held on to her self restraint and saw Sterling’s hunger flash into uncertainty and then, a question. She wanted more than just making out but she forced herself to say, “Don’t forget silly, we’ll take our time. There is no rush. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t do some exploring”. A wicked grin flashed across her face and Sterling’s pupils darkened with lust.

“Yes, m’am. I’ll follow your lead,” Sterling said in a hoarse voice.

April was crouched over Sterling with her hands on both sides of Sterling’s head. Bending down, their lips met in the middle and April felt like her body was like a gentle fire that could quickly turn into an inferno if it wanted. They had spent the rest of the time until they had to head home, kissing with wandering hands stroking and caressing. When they had both looked in the mirror, their faces were glowing and filled with cheshire grins.

It was a stark difference to how Sterling looked now. All lifeless and limp. It reminded her of Snow White on her bed of flowers. Asleep but instead of a cursed apple, Sterling had propofol, pentobarbital, and thiopental. April took the vacated seat that Blair had left and did a quick sweep of for anyone watching. She knew that nurses and a few doctors would come in to check on Sterling’s vitals but at the moment, Blair was playing something on her phone and the hallway was clear. She gave in to the urge to touch Sterling and grasped one hand in hers and used the other to cup her face and stroke her cheek. A spark jolted like usual when April touched Sterling but Sterling did not react which sent a pang of sadness through April. Her skin was so pale and clammy so unusual to the warmth that radiated like a furnace. April’s nose scrunched up at the disinfectant, sweat and mint gum smell that surrounded the room. Sterling’s natural smell seemed muted. The hickory, honeysuckle and blueberry scent was faint and she wished she could bottle up that smell because it had surrounded her that night in the Volt. She vaguely wondered what she smelled like to Sterling.

Her hands were engulfed by Sterling’s larger ones. They were soft and firm while her fingernails were short and covered in chipped paradise pink. April knew she was “vertically challenged” but she could not believe how small her hands were in comparison to Sterling’s. There were slight calluses probably from holding a gun.

“Hey Sterl, I’m here. I don’t know exactly how you ended up like this beside the whole kidnapping thing by who I think is your mother’s identical twin and her boyfriend. I don’t know how to feel about us or how to feel about this situation. But I do know how I feel about you and the fact that when I heard you were in the hospital, my heart had stopped. I know it’s a bit cowardly to talk to you about my feelings, about everything while you’re unconscious but it’s easier this way. . . I don’t know. Maybe you can hear me.”

April stroked a thumb over Sterling’s cheek and flashbacked to their time at Fun Zone where Sterling had said that her maxilla went numb and that her patellas quivered. Fondness and awe had lit her insides and she knew there was a crooked grin on her face. Now, things were so radically different.

“I just raced over here without too much of a plan and with enough hope that you would be ok. I know. April Stevens without a plan is shocking. But let’s face it. When it comes to you, my plans are usually shot to hell and I know that I don’t want you to have died without telling you how much I care for you. I care  **so so** much. I think too much sometimes. I care so much more than you could ever know. That’s why you need to fight. I need you to choose to get back up again and fight to get back on your feet. I know there’s a lot more going on than just our relationship but I want you to know that I will be by your side however you want me. Friend. Lover. Girlfriend. And you finding out exactly how much I care for you is part of the incentive.”

“I know it sounds crazy but I don’t want a world where you’re not in my life. I want to study with you for SATs and ACTs. I want to graduate high school with you. Go to college. I want to go horseback riding with you. I want to know what it feels like to deal with your crazy driving. I want to know what goes through your head when you look at me. I don’t even know why you like me so much after I was such an asshole to you but I respect you enough to be ok with your crazy choice. There’s so much I want to do with you. I can’t promise that I can be out during high school, that hasn’t changed but I can promise that I want to be yours in whatever way you decide.”

At the end of her confession, April felt the saltiness and dampness of her tears sliding down her face and realized she was crying. She gave a wry chuckle. Only Sterling Pearl Wesley could get her so worked up and have the immaculate and pristine April Stevens turn into such a mushy, gushy mess. As if in answer to her speech, Sterling’s hand twitched in response. April held her breath wondering if Sterling was going to wake up despite the impossibility of it. The moment passed and Sterling laid like a cursed Disney princess. 

April wiped her eyes, letting go of Sterling’s hand in the process. Glancing around she noticed Blair was staring with wide shocked eyes but quickly glanced down. April was too tired to give a damn about what Blair Wesley thought of her. Bending down to Sterling’s head, she gave a quick kiss to her forehead. 

“I’ll be back Sterl.”

April gave a nod to Blair and as politely as she could when talking to Blair asked to be kept updated on Sterling’s condition. Blair gave a curt nod and promised to text regular updates and to call when Sterling woke up. A quick unspoken conversation passed through them when they locked eyes. Understanding passed through both of them. Blair would begrudgingly allow April to be there for Sterling without too much of a fuss and April would do her best to make sure the rumour mill didn’t explode until the Wesleys were ready to deal with their vainglorious and gossiping community. With one glance back at the girl who held her heart, she strode out the hospital and greeted the new day.

***

Dana Culpepper was never one for kids. They were bratty, noisy and wouldn’t stop asking the stupidest questions. They were always sticky, smelly and annoying little shits that never minded their own business. But when Dana had held Sterling Pearl Culpepper (now Wesley), she thought she wouldn’t mind seeing her little muffin toddle about and being the cutest darnedest thing in the world. To be able to hold her and find out which features came from her and which had come from her father. To see her own baby blues reflected back to her and the honey blond curls of her father.

Dana was self aware enough to know when she was in deep hog shit as she sat in the hard plastics chairs of the fancy hospital surrounded by two cops. The cops had stopped trying to be professional and had sat down on either side of her instead of standing for hours. Even though she was going to be carted off to jail that did not stop her from wanting to get to know Sterling. To know her own flesh and blood. To know that she would be ok. Things had gone to shit when Debbie had left her and their parents as soon as she could have when she went to college. Dana had to admit that Nandina, Georgia was a shit town with shit people but it was their home. Where they had grown up and had learned about God. Where they had spent summers splashing in the rushing albeit dirty river. Where they had gotten their first kiss and saved enough money between the both of them to fix up and buy the teal and white truck who they had named Millie.

It was to her utmost surprise when she had found Debbie’s college acceptance letters with one specific one catching her eye. One that was worn and folded hundreds of times and looked to be carried everywhere she went. A letter stating that Debbie Culpepper had received a full ride to Emory University in Applied Mathematics. Boiling rage had set her blood at the secret that Lil Debby was hiding from her. They had told each other  **everything.** From the small town gossip of who was fucking who to where DeeDaw hid the good alcohol. She had assumed that her and Debbie would spend the rest of their life in Nandina. Working a shit job or marrying a local boy and popping out kids.

Ever since Dana had hung out with JD (Jason Dean) and his crew, Debbie had pulled away and had seemed distant. Things had started to build between the both of them until they started screaming at each other one night. The argument culminated with Debbie begging her not to follow through with her plans to burn the abortion clinic. But Dana hadn’t listened. Had screamed that Debbie was going to abandon her anyway to that fancy schmancy college so it didn’t matter what Dana did with her life. At the time she had acted out of hate for those damn murderers at the clinic and her love for JD. She couldn’t have let those baby murderers sell baby parts and kill babies for profit. Those clinics had manipulated those poor women to kill their own babies. JD said he would take care of everything and he had always taken good care of her. He was 24 and she was 17. He made her feel special and he always gave her the love and attention she craved. Sure, he could be rough at times and downright mean at others. But he was really nice once you got to know him. He had told her that what they were doing was God’s will and she believed him.

  
  


And after she had set the clinic on fire, things had gone to hell in a handbasket. JD and the crew had left her out to dry and had fled Nandina. Her parents at the time were too high or drunk to care that one of their daughters were in trouble with the law and everywhere she went in town doors had shut in her face. Only Debs cared enough to hide her. That was until college started and Debbie had packed a suitcase, took their car and turned her back on Dana and the rest of the family.

Then things started to tumble down from there. Their parents died in a car crash and had taken down some of their fellow church goers with them. With the whole town’s eye on the last remaining Culpepper, Dana had fled from town to town, drifting through life. Filling her life with men, cigarettes, alcohol and waitressing. You didn’t need some frilly degree at some special school to take orders and bus tables. One day something had changed or to be precise, her body had started changing.

After a day of nausea and vomiting, a pink stick with a blue plus stared back at her. It was almost a surprise that this hadn’t happened sooner. That was the day that Dana remembered that she was half of a whole. That half of her very being was out there and had gone to college and probably gotten married. That Lil’ Debby had probably had achieved her dreams of being more than a little nobody from Nandina, Georgia. If anyone could have scraped and clawed themselves to a better life, it would have been Debbie.

It wasn’t easy finding Debbie Culpepper in all of Georgia but Debbie may have been the academically inclined twin but Dana had enough street smarts to know when to flash a pretty smile and when to cut your losses. She may have just had times where her mood would swing from one way to another. Days where she felt like she could move a mountain and other days where she wanted to find a hole to crawl in and never come out. Days where her skin was itching and she wanted to crawl out of her own skin. Apparently their family had a history of . . . of, whatcha ma call it? . . . mental illness and they were prone to addiction because of something in their blood. Not that it was anything particularly new. They had always had some crazy relatives or family that couldn’t function without their special brand of medicine. But not Debbie. Debbie had always had her eyes set on the horizon as if there was something better than Nandina out there. Believing that life was more than the church, alcohol and flirting with the local boys. She wanted to make something of herself. Dana always thought that Debbie would bring her along and it would be two of them against the world, like always. Dana thought wrong.

Dana was able to find records of Debbie Culpepper going through four years of University and then from, some old fraternities buddies and sorority sisters that Debbie had gotten hitched to some rich fella. Had a honeymoon in Fort Myers, Florida. Dana had almost choked on her drink when she heard that. Debs hated the heat and bugs more than anything, maybe they were more alike than Debbie wanted to believe and she was using the poor fool for his money. 

Oh, how wrong she was. 

She was able to finagle the address from some poor sap that didn’t know what to do with his hands when kissing her and she showed up at the doorstep of an egg white manor house straight from one of those Jane Eyre novels that Debbie had loved so much. Resentment and sadness had swelled through her. That Debbie had forsaken all of them and had decided to forget who she was, had forgotten  **her** and where she had come from. Just because you put a new coat of paint on a rusted, beat up truck didn’t make it anything but what it was.

The woman who opened the door was almost unrecognizable to Dana. Instead of holed, well worn jeans and frayed t-shirts, the woman in front of her had a flowy floral dress that looked to be worth around 10 packs of cigarettes. Her golden locks were smooth and glossy and her face glowed with an inner light. Shock and fear flashed across her face at the sight of Dana.

“Dana??!!?”

“Hey Debs. How’s it going?”

She just stood there with her eyes as round as saucer plates and a hand covering her mouth. A crooked grin found its way to Dana’s face.

“Well, aren’t you going to invite me in?”

Walking in without a word, she took in the elaborate and immaculate walls and rooms. After explaining her situation, Dana saw the glimmer of surprise and something like awe in Debbie’s eyes when Dana mentioned that she was pregnant. That was when she knew that her younger twin was pregnant as well. The Lord, sure, had a sense of humor. Looking at the nerdy, ninny looking fellow, anyone could have seen that the man was head over heels for Debbie. What flabbergasted Dana was that the same love and adoration shone in Debbie’s eyes. Jealousy coiled in her gut and a twinge of wistfulness for Dawson swarmed her body.

7 months later of crashing at Debbie’s and Anderson’s (who she still thought was the biggest dork that she ever met) and Sterling Pearl Culpepper was born. Her muffin she thought. The darn baby had made her crave blueberry muffins all the time. Life had been the best they been since JD, since the abortion fire and since their parents’ death. When Dana and Debbie were a team, a unit. It was nice having a home and not having to run from place to place and avoid detection. Looking at her baby girl, her muffin, she knew that she didn’t want to do the selfish thing. Didn’t want to condemn her daughter to a life of hiding, mediocre living conditions and her own mood swings. For once in her life, she didn’t want to feed the insatiable hunger that demanded for cigarettes, drugs, alcohol and men to drown out the emptiness in her. That demanded immediate satisfaction. She wanted Sterling to have the life that her and Debbie had dreamed for themselves when their parents arguing would keep them up and when they had to scrounge to survive. A real home with a white picket fence, maybe a dog. Where they had the freedom and time to go hunting. Where following God wasn’t the same thing as obeying whatever the church told you to do. She wanted that for Sterling. So . . . she had asked Debbie and Anderson to adopt Sterling. To give her a proper home.

But as time passed, and that hunger grew unbearable, she gave in to her impulses and let her hate and jealousy, demand money and compensation from her twin. Had found Levi. Allowed for Levi to fill her head with the idea of the life that they  **should** have. The life that they  **deserved** . That there was no other way. And all the while, her heart yearned to see the one thing in life that she created that didn’t disgust her or make her ashamed.

Maybe that was why she was sitting in this hospital. For the part of her, that wanted to be something to her daughter. Someone. Not just some backwards hick that made the stupid decision to trust JD and then, Levi. That was stupid enough to think that she would be able to keep Sterling after all this time.

Beige flats entered her field of vision and Dana looked up to the eyes that she knew as well as her own and that hadn’t changed no matter how dolled up she was.

“Can I see her? Can I see my muff- Sterling?”


	8. Girls Become Lovers Who Turn Into Mothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dana and Debbie walk towards a hospital room and Blair is having none of it. Anderson just wondered when did he start being outnumbered by the women in his life . . .oh, yeah. 16 years ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, for the unintended hiatus. I just kind of lost steam on this fic but I promise I’m not going to abandon it. I am so bummed that they canceled Teenage Bounty Hunters and hoping that it’ll be picked up by another network. But at least we still have fanfic and fandom. 
> 
> I’m going to be honest with you guys, I have tons of ideas for writing for this fandom and some other ones as well. I’ll try to update this fic at least once a month but I make no promises. I’m pretty new to writing fanfics and have been trying to set aside time to write. I’ve graduated college this year and have been looking for a job since so real life stuff has taken priority. Thank you guys for being sooo patient and hope you enjoy. Happy New Year! Let’s hope this year isn’t as much of a shit show as the last one was and if you live in the U.S., I feel your pain with all the craziness in the past few weeks. 
> 
> Most of the chapters in this story has been in different povs depending on character. This one is where I’m changing things up a bit. Dana and Debbie are going to share pov. I dunno if I’m going to switch over to hearing everyone’s pov all at once. We’ll just have to see. :D

**TW: mentions of abuse (implied)**

Debbie had to stop herself from decking her twin across the face at the claim that Sterling was hers. Her mama bear instincts had been on red alert ever since Blair and Sterling had come from their impromptu road trip. Even when she had laid eyes on both of them, her gut still had churned at the fact that things were spinning out of control. Soon, she had thought. Soon, Dana would just be another skeleton in her closet that she would barricade and hide behind steel doors. Debbie Wesley’s past only consisted of being an only child, being raised to be a proper Southern lady and falling in love with one Anderson Wesley at Emory University. She had lived that lie for so long it almost felt real. Almost.

But Dana and her beloved Sterling were physicals reminders that it was a lie. Somedays she had wondered if she would be able to glimpse Dana in Sterling’s behavior or mannerisms. Other days she was ashamed that Anderson and her had allowed Dana to haunt them like a malevolent ghost and it had affected how they had treated Sterling and Blair. Even though they were identical twins, Dana and Debbie had different ideals, different mannerisms and even slightly different facial features. Dana eyes were a lighter blue than Debbie’s. More of a sky blue than cornflower blue. Dana tended to fidget with her hands when nervous while Debbie would play with her hair. Dana also had a tendency to ramble while Debbie’s body tended to stiffen when nervous. Sterling had inherited her biological mom’s (because that all Dana would be to Sterling) eyes and her tendency to ramble. She had also inherited both Dana and Debbie’s strong nose and dimples but her smile and honey blond curls were all her father’s. 

The nickname muffin reminded her of the days where they were both pregnant and at the time, it felt like they were on the same wavelength again. With Sterling it had been blueberry muffins for Dana in terms of cravings. Blair on the other hand, made Debbie crave nachos. Nachos where the cheese was warm and gooey and slathered over crunchy tortilla chips. She didn’t know how many times Anderson had to make a run for cheese, chips and blueberry muffins. Having Dana back in her life back then felt like a part of Debbie had sighed in relief at her missing half being with her again. The other part of her had screamed that Dana would be like their parents and try to ruin her, to tie her down and clip her wings. Though a voice that sounded like Dana whispered that she may have traded one cage for another. One that was gilded and full of fake smiles, judgemental looks and people who talked hog shit behind your back.

She loved Anderson but sometimes she feared that he would never know the real her. The girl from Nandina, the girl she was before her reinvention in university. Anderson was absolutely wonderful and during her pregnancy had waited on her hand and foot but it was terrifying to be responsible of the life grow inside of her. What if she screwed up? What if she made the same mistakes as her parents and raised a child who would grow to resent them like she and her twin had ended up resenting their own parents? **(TW BEGIN)** They had hated how their parents hadn’t given a damn about either of them besides labor in their auto shop, hated how they failed to keep the lights and water going and hated the times where hate and malice would cause raised voices and hands raised against them. ( **TW END)** She had been so afraid to mess up, afraid that she would be stuck in their shit hole town and afraid that Anderson would leave when he realized that their were plenty of gorgeous girls with less baggage that his parents would approve of. She didn’t realize those fears had gained a life of their own until she found herself staring at Dana on her doorstep and she had almost bursted into tears. 

Having Dana at her side again had made her feel less alone because Dana knew who she was regardless of the beautiful manor, makeup and pristine clothes. Knew where she came from and she didn’t have to hide behind the mask of being a wealthy southern lady. Sometimes she found herself irritated at the vapid small talk and the primping and preening all the women did. Could see the masks the others lady wore and wondered why they bothered hiding behind what women were  **suppose** to do and be. She would rather have had gone hunting or fishing or even, do some maintenance work on Anderson’s jeep. Instead, she found herself talking patterns and fabrics for the outfits for the baby shower with a plastic smile glued to her face. On those days, Dana was hidden away in a secluded guest room like a dirty secret but Debbie could almost see Dana’s disgusted look at the simpering women and the insults she was ready to hurl at the women who only cared about their appearances and being perfect trophy wives. As the due date came closer for both women, there’s was this tension in the air that both sisters were reluctant to address. Dana couldn’t stay. They could not hide Dana forever and the question was whether Dana would disappear with her baby. Debbie had wanted to push for her to not run, to answer for her crimes and for once, to do the right thing. The healthy thing, for not only Dana’s sake but the baby’s but Anderson had told her firmly that it was Dana’s choice.

After Blair Marie Wesley was born, Debbie thought two things. 1) Giving birth hurt like hell and Anderson was lucky that she loved him. 2) Blair Wesley was the cutest baby she had ever laid eyes on and she would do whatever it took to be a better parent than her parents were. She was exhausted but she had wheeled into Dana’s room with a sleeping Blair in tow so that Dana could meet her niece and Debbie could meet hers. For as long as Debbie lived, she wouldn’t forget the look in Dana’s eyes nor the expression she held when she held Sterling. Her face was the softest it had ever been and had reminded her of when Dana as her older twin sister would whisper sweet nothings in her ear in their room when they were younger when their parents were passed out drunk in the living room. For most of their childhood and teenage years, Dana had taken her role as the older twin seriously but things had started to change their freshman year of high school when Dana met JD. Dana’s eyes were captured by Sterling’s angelic face as the baby was swaddled in a sky blue blanket and had a curl of wispy blond hair on her head. Debbie had never seen Dana looked so settled nor at peace and when Debbie got close enough, Blair had woken and her wriggling bundle of a daughter had made grabbing motions as if sensing her relative. Without having to say a word, both sisters laid their babies side by side and Blair settled and opened curious brown eyes at the nearest bundle next to her. Sterling herself stared back and gave a wide toothless smile at her cousin. A tear dropped on to the bed and Debbie startled at the sudden water. Looking up, she met Dana’s eyes and knew that Dana was leaving but . . . she was not taking Sterling with her.

Back in the present, Officer Benjamin and Gwendolyn helped escort Dana and Debbie to the ICU at Debbie’s stiff nod. Dana had gotten to her feet and searched through her twin’s eyes. They were red rimmed and exhausted but what made her pause was not the expected frustration, rage and terror at Dana and the situation but the sympathy and understanding of what she was feeling. Sterling may have been her daughter only in blood but she still cared. On her more sober days, she had wondered whether Sterling was allergic to kiwis too and if she could hold a tune like her father. Had wished that she could have taught Sterling how to shoot her first rifle and the best way to cook bacon and cheesy grits. Had bitterly laminated that she may have turned out like her shitty parents. One of her worst nightmares. Her hands chafed uncomfortably between the silver handcuffs and she wondered if Sterling thought she was crazy and was ashamed of her. Before she could lift her head to take a look at Sterling, a figure rushed up to them.

That figure turned out to be Debbie’s brood. The brunette one. At the sight of Dana, Blair had sprung up from her seat with her lips curled up into a snarl. But the venom in her stare wasn’t directed at her but at her twin. 

“You’re actually letting her see Sterling.”

Debbie opened her mouth to say something but Blair cut her off.

“Why the **fuck** are you letting her see Sterling when it was all her fault that she’s in this situation.”

The officers at her side shifted uncomfortably. Pussies, Dana thought. Blair wasn’t wrong as shame and regret pulsed through her. She had made it a habit of following her muffin’s social media and looking at local newspapers or the school website to see what she was up to. When Debbie had served her the ultimatum about leaving the country, Dana could not squash the impulsive decision to finally get to see her baby. To see the daughter that she had so desperately, selfishly wanted to keep.

Debbies voice cut through her the staring match between Dana and Blair, “Language.” At that Blair rolled her eyes but startled when she saw Debbie’s lips tighten in anger and disappointment. “The I raised you better than that” look was painted all over Debbie’s face caused Blair's face to tighten but acquiesce to her mother's silent plea. 

“Blair, I know you’re upset and you have every right to be but I promised Dana that she would get to see Sterling. We’re going to make sure that son of a bitch, Levi, stays in jail but we need Dana to cooperate. I don’t know what will happen next but the officers and I will make sure that nothing fishy happens to Sterling. Dana just wants to see her and say goodbye”.

Blair glare didn’t lessen, if anything, it seemed to intensify and want to incinerate Dana on the spot. At her mother’s reasoning, a scowl worked its way to her face and she shot a look to Dana that said, “I’m watching you”. If it was any other situation, Dana would have given Debbie’s little spitfire a crooked grin that managed to always piss people off but her attention was on the figure in the room in front of them.

It was now or never. She awkwardly grasped the handle of the hospital room and entered.


End file.
